UCLA seems like the perfect place for romance. A picnic in the sculpture garden, a walk in the botanical gardens, a tandem-Bird to class (be careful, people! It’s twice as embarrassing to wipe out on a shared Bird. Especially if it was your fault; I know this from haunting experience). College feels like the ideal place to meet a partner. My parents met in college. More than half of my friends’ parents met in college. And so, despite knowing it was a little unrealistic, I spent my freshman year carrying with me the silly little hope that I’d meet my future husband here, too.
Big mistake. Huge! If every time you have a little discussion crush (discrushion, if you will) you imagine how you two would look at the altar together, that’s a sign that something’s off. Your mindset has to shift. This will only lead to disappointment and embarrassment. Romance should be fun in college, sure, but it should not carry the weight of all your future expectations.
We’re so young. Our minds and perceptions are changing at an alarming rate. Just a year ago I thought avocado was gross, and now I’m a fiend like the rest of them. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be in relationships — especially if you can grow alongside another person, that’s great! — I’m just saying that we have so much to learn about ourselves, and that takes time. Pinning your future on someone else will prevent you from being able to explore a future as your own person.
When we leave college, or look back on it five years down the line, the romances will be fun to reminisce and laugh about. But who will we be laughing with? The female friends we made in college! Relationships are valuable and can teach you a lot about yourself, but friendships are essential. Relationships sometimes eat my friends up for a few months and then spit them back out to me post-breakup. Avoid letting that happen; prioritize your friendships in college. So instead of future-husband-hunting, take a night off. Watch Glee with the girls.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, rock on, my friend. But it’s really not something to worry about, or put pressure on yourself about. I did the whole searching-for-love thing, and trust me, once you let that go, everything becomes a whole lot easier. I don’t need to find my person here; I need to find my friends and myself. Plus, UCLA is a small sample of all the fish in the sea. Maybe my fish is in France right now. Maybe yours is in Canada. Only time will tell.
Either way, let’s take the pressure off dating in college. Just because so many of our parents met in college doesn’t mean we’ll meet our partners here as well. People are getting married later and later. We’ve got time, so focus on yourself for now. Your future partner is out there, and hopefully they’re figuring themselves out right now, too.