No one tells you when you are going through a moment in your life that will change you forever. That’s exactly what happened to me my senior year of high school.
Let me paint the picture: since the start of my educational career, I have always studied the hardest to be the best I could be. A’s weren’t enough, I needed to receive A+’s and steller remarks. Having put this pressure on myself my whole life, I thought it was always a good thing. It made me extend myself to be the president of multiple clubs, the captain of my cheer team, complete extensive volunteer work and involve myself in other extracurriculars. Life was always busy with progressing to the next task in order to make myself feel like I was in control of the path I was on.
Unfortunately, when I looked back on my relationships with my family, friends, boyfriend and myself at the time, I realized that this mindset had backfired. I found that by being so stressed on having control, I did not realize how out of control I had become. I had let my mind completely run away from me by becoming so consumed on the end goal and doing whatever it takes to get there. I began cancelling plans with friends because I felt I needed to study and work harder on my academics. I restricted foods I loved because I thought by eating them, I was giving in to an uncontrollable urge. I began despising the extracurriculars I loved because I thought they wouldn’t help me progress professionally. I had lost myself in my relationship and found myself feeling isolated and out of touch from the people I loved the most. My sparkle that had been with me my whole life had dulled to the point of a pencil after writing a 5 page essay. I had lost track of who I was by trying to become what I thought the best version of myself was.
One night as I was sitting in the back of my parents car after a football game, it dawned on me the extent to which our relationship had suffered. The inside jokes we had shared were no longer mentioned. What normally would have been a car ride filled with conversation and laughter was dead silent. The next morning my dad handed me a book titled Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn. Within the first three pages I was hooked. I had let my hurdles get the best of me. I needed to take back my life and find what makes me happy again.
Two years later, I sit here writing this article and I am fortunate enough to say I am happy. I found that you need to enjoy your journey and not just focus on the destination. By having a positive attitude, you will attract like-minded individuals. Since that low moment sulking in my parents car, I have tried every day to be the most positive I can be, and I can attest that it has worked. After breaking up with my boyfriend and leaving other negative friendships, I started surrounding myself with people that make me feel good about myself. A couple months later, I began dating my current incredible boyfriend. I also was able to get off my dream school’s waitlist and am on the way to finishing a year early! I finally feel like I am going in the right direction even though I may not know what the end looks like. By appreciating every day, I can finally say I am me again and that my sparkle has returned brighter than ever.