Entering college is intimidating for anyone, but when you are the first in your family to do so, intimidation does not begin to explain the confusion and fear of starting college. It is quite literally a whole new world; it is like moving to a new country where you do not know a single word of the native language. I was told that once I entered college, I would be met with so many resources, so many people willing to help and a lot of understanding faculty. Yes, there are so many resources out there, but how was I supposed to know about them? I came in knowing absolutely nothing about college. There are many organizations created specifically to aid and guide first-generation students, but I was unaware of these organizations until way past my first year at UCLA. I was so lost when I began college as a terrified, little 17-year-old student, and I hope my experience can help any other first-generation student that may be struggling to find their footing in a school so large. I understand; I was right there with you once.
College really does have a way of destroying all the confidence you once had in yourself. Blatantly said, you may have been at the top of your class in high school, you may have gotten straight A’s and been a pro at the sport you play or the hobby you practice, but when you enter UCLA, you begin to realize that everyone around you did as much as you did (or even more) in high school; you begin to realize that you are not special. That is a hard realization to come to especially for first-generation students who constantly feel like they have to prove themselves in everything they do. I worked so hard to get to the top of my high school class and the top of my sports team only to come to UCLA and realize how far down I have fallen.
Feeling lost, confused and like I did not belong at such a prestigious school, I fell down a dark hole of comparison, inadequacy and anxiety so bad I had trouble leaving my dorm room. I did three things during my first quarter at UCLA: I went to class, I studied and I cried almost every night. These were supposed to be the best four years of my life, but how could I possibly even consider having fun when I needed to climb to the top? I was terrified to be average in my classes; I was terrified that someone would somehow find out I was an imposter if they knew that I struggled, so I worked so hard but got absolutely nowhere.
However, I got really lucky my first year—I met an amazing group of people (love you Joy and Ava!) that taught me that it is okay not to be perfect, that I do not have to earn the ability to have fun, and that there is always something to be grateful for. For the first time since I began college, I began to see the light; I began to realize that it is okay not to be the best in every class and that is okay to not study for one night. This is when I began to look for my voice and who I was because I realized that I was so busy studying that I knew absolutely nothing about myself. If you are a first-generation student reading this, know that isolating yourself is the absolute worst thing you can do. Find your pack and your support system and once you have that, find your voice.
I joined the most random clubs imaginable: from teaching old people how to do yoga to joining a sorority and discovering my Jewish roots, I really branched out during the winter quarter of my freshman year at UCLA and I loved every second of it! Yes, it is important to study for classes and excel to the best of your ability, but I began to realize that college is not that serious! It is okay to join a club that has nothing to do with your career aspirations; it is okay to realize you hate a club and drop from it. However, I did not truly own my voice or my place until I joined Her Campus at UCLA and found the most accepting and empowered group of women. Never did I ever think I would feel confident enough to not only use my voice but use it on such a large platform to share advice and stories so personal to my heart. This platform to speak my mind without any judgment, resentment or negativity truly allowed me to grow into the outspoken person I am today and helped me find my passions of health and nutrition. And for that, I am forever grateful.
For any first-generation students struggling right now, or honestly any students, the most important thing is to surround yourself with supportive friends, to reach out to professors when you need help, and to strive for greatness, not perfection. College is a different world so embrace the journey, the good and the bad, and never fall into the imposter mentality. You belong here, we all do.