Growing Up and Growing Away: How to Handle Leaving Your Hometown Friends

Nicky and I sit in the back of Faith’s mom’s car, fingers folded together in a melancholic knot. “New Romantics” is playing on the car radio, and the laughter of my childhood friends permeates even the smallest corners of the Buick. We are together for the first time in months and it’s the greatest feeling in the world; I don’t ever want to let it go. I squeeze Nick’s hand tighter for fear of my future, for remembrance of the past and for the overwhelming apprehension of growing up and growing away. 

Nobody prepared me for the day my hometown friends would leave home. Their big dreams and exciting plans for their next chapters in life always seemed like something we would encounter ‘when we grow up.’ I don’t think I ever thought we would actually be there, experiencing the peaks and valleys within the true adulthood of it all. What do you do when your friendship suddenly becomes long distance? How do you keep the same kind of closeness when you’re permanently over thousands of miles away? What happens when going home becomes vacation? 

I’ve found it really hard to come to terms with this new version of reality. A version where we forfeit the evenings spent piling in front of the TV in Maya’s guest house, watching a new season of The Summer I Turned Pretty. I consistently thought, we’ll always have Summer. 

Female friendships are my lifeline. They’re the only thing that keeps me grounded when the rest of my world is literally falling apart at the seams. It’s hard when a group of people sees you through all of the best and worst moments in your life, and then one day, the used-to-be-constant updates are being hazily recounted through a phone call that breaks up seven times within the hour. Calls go missed, tearful, longing voicemails and texts are exchanged while studying and work takes priority. 

Friendship will change. The easiness of a relationship will ebb and flow. Your levels of closeness will change. The thing that does not change, however, is the love you share with the seven girls scattered around the world. Instead of framing this as a dark, depressing reality, think of the excitement of it all. Think of the fact that you get to know the version of them that lives the eclectic life in New York City, and one day when you visit, you’ll get to live inside their new life for a moment. There is so much excitement within the unknown of their ‘new’ life that you get to experience as you continue to grow. And when these moments are tough, and you feel you’ll forever wallow in the nostalgia of ‘used to be,’ think of your inevitable reunions when someone gets married, or during Christmas and Thanksgiving when their families forcefully pull them back home. If anything, let this separation make you proud. Let it inspire you to reflect on the actualization of goals they’ve had since their youth. 

Relish the moments when you time travel back to your senior year of high school through the familiar touch of your best friend for just a moment, and know that this version of love will always live inside of you, and though it will change, you’ll always have each other. 

• friendship
• life