Love is complicated. Sometimes, we catch ourselves wondering: How do I know if it’s true love? Is this person really the one? Could this be the purest love I’ll ever receive?
These questions don’t have clear-cut answers. There’s no equation, no breadcrumb trail left behind for us to follow. Love, in many ways, is a mystery—an experience that’s deeply personal and hard to explain. It’s not always logical or obvious. Sometimes, it’s just a feeling, a quiet knowing that sits in your chest. And when that feeling isn’t there, it’s worth taking the time to reflect on what love really means to you.
That’s where The Life List, a newly released Netflix rom-com, offered something unexpectedly meaningful. Beyond the lighthearted plot and swoon-worthy scenes, the film posed four simple but profound questions to help us understand true love—questions that, once I heard them, brought a deeper understanding of what love should look and feel like.
These are the four questions from The Life List:
- Is he kind?
- Can I tell him everything in my heart?
- Does he help me become the best version of myself?
- Can I imagine him as the father of my children?
Let’s take a closer look at each one—and why they matter.
Is he kind?
Kindness is more than just being polite or doing nice things—it’s the heart of love in action. It comes from a place of pure intention, not to impress or gain something in return, but simply to love well. One of the most powerful reminders of what love should look like comes from 1 Corinthians 13:4–7:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
When asking, “Is he kind?”—it’s not just about whether he smiles at strangers or opens doors for you. It’s about the kind of love he shows, especially when things aren’t easy.
Is he kind with your heart—patient with your growth, gentle in your vulnerability, and respectful even in disagreement? True kindness is found in the quiet moments: how he listens, how he responds when you’re upset, and how he speaks about you when you’re not there.
Kind love isn’t self-centered. It’s humble, forgiving, and steady—choosing love even when it’s hard. If his love reflects that kind of kindness—the kind that protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres—then that’s something rare and worth holding onto.
Can i tell him everything in my heart?
To truly love someone is to feel safe enough to be fully seen. It’s not just about sharing your thoughts, but opening up every part of yourself: your soul, your fears, your dreams, and even the parts of you that feel messy or uncertain. Love lives in the quiet conversations, the vulnerable moments, and the space where you can be honest without fear. True love feels like being able to share your whole heart—and being met with understanding, not judgment.
I like to think of the phrase, “To be loved is to be known.” Because when you can tell him everything in your heart—without fear of consequences, without walking on eggshells—that’s when you know love is real. It’s not just about being heard; it’s about being understood.
More than just tolerance, true love offers acceptance. And with acceptance comes peace. Your partner should be your safe place—the one you can turn to when the world feels loud, harsh, or uncertain. If you can pour your heart out and still feel held, respected, and embraced, that’s the kind of love that stays.
Does he help me become the best version of myself?
A loving relationship should inspire growth, not hold you back. The right person won’t make you feel small or inadequate—they’ll challenge you, support you, and believe in the person you’re becoming. It’s not about striving for perfection or becoming more attractive or successful on the outside. It’s about the inner glow that begins to shine when you’re with someone who brings out the best in you.
With them, life starts to feel lighter. You begin to enjoy the present more, take things day by day, and find peace in simply being yourself. The best version of you is not about doing more, but about feeling whole. He encourages you to not only love yourself but to expand your capacity to love others, too.
That kind of love shapes you—not by changing who you are, but by helping you grow into who you were always meant to be. One day, when you look back on your life, you’ll realize that being with him didn’t erase your identity—it brought all the good parts of you to the surface. Like a sculptor revealing the beauty already within the stone, he simply helped you see it.
can I imagine him as the father of my children?
This question might feel heavy, but it cuts straight to the core. When you picture the future, does he belong in it? Have you ever pictured a life with him—not out of pressure, but because it just feels natural? Could you truly see him raising a family with you, embodying the values you hold close and would want to pass down? Even the slightest hesitation can speak volumes. Because the person you choose to love isn’t just a partner for today—they’re part of the life you hope to build.
Ask yourself: Is this person home? Not just to you, but to your future children. Because you can live in a house, share a space, even build a life—but still not feel at home. Home is where love feels safe, steady, and nurturing. If he brings that sense of peace and belonging—not just for now, but for what’s to come—then you might already have your answer.
These four questions don’t give us all the answers, but they’re a beautiful place to start. Love doesn’t always make sense. But when you’re honest with yourself, and you listen to your heart, clarity often follows.
And maybe—just maybe—that’s how we start to know it’s true love.