When my big, innocent, watery freshman eyes first gazed up at Royce Hall, I thought college was going to be magical. Dead Poet’s Society meets Legally Blonde meets Pitch Perfect type of magical. Becoming brilliant in those red brick buildings with ivy crawling up the sides, going home to my twinkly-light-lit dorm and staying up late chatting with my roommates. Being the life of the party at night and hanging out on the beach on weekends. As a sheltered Canadian 17-year-old, the start of college was, to me, the beginning of my large-and-in-charge LA life.
And then came the overwhelming Enormous Activities Fair and roommate incompatibilities and heaps of readings I could barely wade through, much less actually understand. College quickly spiraled out of my grasp and I was left dazed and confused. On the plane back home for Christmas break, I was thinking, did I do that right? Am I doing this right? It sure doesn’t feel like it. And for the next two years, it felt like the moment that I got a solid grip on my academic career, an impossible assignment, major rejection or friendship conflict would pop up and everything would spiral out of control once more.
The famed “college experience” haunts us all. And when it’s not going according to your dreamlike, romanticized, fantasy of a plan, it feels like there’s something fundamentally wrong with your experience. Personally, I feel guilty when I’m not enjoying school or when I turn down seeing friends or going to an event (even if it’s just so I can do work or sleep!). Basically, if I’m anything short of a social superhero meets academic weapon, I’m a failure who’s blowing her college career (no wonder I was a theater major, I may be the most dramatic person alive). On top of all this personal pressure, when I look around at the people I know, it feels like everyone else is doing everything right. This only re-enforces my delusional belief that because I’m not doing everything I imagined I would be, I’m doing college wrong.
If this rings any bells within your own mindset, I’m here to tell you (and me!) that this perfectionist idea of our college experiences is bonkers. Which you probably know already.
College is what you make of it. If you put a lot of time into hanging out with friends, you’ll likely leave with great friendships. If you spend a lot of energy studying, you’ll gain a ton of knowledge. And if you simply put a lot of care into college, you’ll be rewarded with a ton of growth. So, do you care about college? Then you’re probably doing it right. On the other hand, if you don’t care, if you’re skipping all your classes and slacking on assignments, if you refuse to try anything new or meet any people, then perhaps now is the moment to consider changing your ways and maximizing this time before it’s all over (it sounds a little ominous, but it’s a well-intentioned wake-up call!).
There is no universally correct, perfect college experience. For many of us, it’s the hardest time of our lives. But it’s also so romanticized in movies and social media that we inevitably end up questioning whether we’re doing it right. I’m certain that as I walk across that graduation stage in two years, I’ll be assessing my college experience. Did I party too much? Too little? Did I learn enough? Did I take advantage of enough opportunities? Did I make enough friends? And I’m here to remind you (and future me), that the fact that you’re asking these questions means that you care. And like I said, if you care enough to worry about whether you’re doing it right, you probably are.
Are you a better, more experienced, more educated person than when you arrived? Did you make a friend or two? Did you have fun every now and then? Then stop worrying! You didn’t drop out. You didn’t flunk out. In reality, there is no “doing college right”, there’s just “doing college”. And you’re doing it! Appreciate the highlights of your time at UCLA and learn from the low points, because altogether, they are what make up your uniquely special college experience. There’s no benchmark for a successful college career, so there’s no point in looking at external metrics to evaluate your own personal experience.
And in two years, when I’m gazing up at Royce Hall with wise, graduate eyes, I’ll remind myself about this article. I’ll remember that as long as I truly cared about having a meaningful, interesting, growth-based college experience, I did college right.