Nothing is more awkward than trying to start a conversation with someone and it being so painfully boring. Especially when it comes to chatting with someone that you’ve only met through mutuals a few times, making meaningful conversation can be difficult. So, now’s the time to cut all of the “What’s your major?” and “Where are you from?” from our convos and switch into more interesting questions. Small talk will forever be the most peeving interaction for me, but here are four ways to help avoid this seemingly inevitable experience:
1. You Get what you give
Like a lot of things in life, you get out what you put into your conversations. Brutally put, if you’re being dry and boring, the person you’re talking to is going to be equally uninteresting. Of course you should just be yourself because at the end of the day you’re probably talking with a peer, so don’t treat it like an interview. I’ve found that channeling my inner Elle Woods in conversations that have small talk potential has totally shifted the energy of the chat. Basically think of the scene where Elle is introducing herself to the other Harvard students. When everyone else is spitting out basic facts about what school they went to and blah blah blah, Elle takes it upon herself to say fun facts that could actually spiral into an interesting and memorable conversation. Talking to someone shouldn’t feel like a chore, so show interest in what you’re saying instead of just yapping about the same old boring things.
2. Elite Conversation starter
Let’s just say that after some extensive experimentation, I’ve found the perfect recipe for an elite conversation starter. Basically, you just need to include an adjective and a time frame in whatever you want to say. The easiest example is “Are you doing anything fun this weekend?” Keeping a time frame concentrates the conversation to a particular time, which makes it easier to remember any specific details, so that the next time you run into this person you can ask about that event. Also, including “fun” essentially ensures that whatever the person you’re talking to says will be interesting enough to continue a conversation on, rather than if you’d just ask “Are you doing anything this weekend?” However, if it’s a super awkward moment and the person says they have no fun plans (how boring), you can also say something like “Did anything new and exciting happen this week?” Of course, if they can’t answer that then you’re at a loss and have to just give up (just kidding, still try to put in some effort!). Asking open ended questions with a time frame and adjective has never failed me, and the conversation has so much more potential to be engaging when you throw in some specifics to a general conversation starter.
3. staying current
By far, the easiest way to avoid being the small talker is to stay up to date on current events. Whether it be politics, pop-culture, sports, or just anything up and coming, it is super likely that you’ll come across someone who is also interested in that topic. Some of the best conversations that I’ve had have been literally rooted from things like “OMG did you hear Taylor Swift’s surprise songs last night?” or “Hailey Bieber’s new Rhode campaign is so unique!” Something that I’ve been doing for the last year or so is reading an academic article and a fun one just to be up to date on trends. This totally expanded my conversational horizons because not only would I have knowledge of recent events, but I also would have context to elaborate on the topic. I feel like with platforms like TikTok, you are up to date on trends, but there isn’t really any additional information on the topic. My favorite ways to get interesting articles are Wall Street Journal, Vogue, and obviously Her Campus! Staying current in all aspects of global topics not only leads to more interesting convos, but also just makes you a more well-rounded person who can start talking to anyone, from employers to classmates.
4. trust the spiral
Last but definitely not least is just going with the flow. It can be scary to not know what to expect in a conversation, but that’s what makes it more fun! When you start talking about one thing and it leads to another and just keeps spiralling out into a more elaborate conversation, you know that you’ve ended the small talk! It makes all the difference to not be so rehearsed in what you’re going to say, because a more authentic-feeling chat totally flips the vibe from awkward to friendly. Trusting this spiral of conversation will also make the person you’re talking to want to continue a conversation another time, since they’ll remember that you’re not just a generic person who talks about the most basic things.
Moral of the story: small talk is out and actual non-boring conversations are in. The overwhelming nervousness surrounding talking to a new person is automatically out the window once you master the art of talking. Hopefully you can use these four tips to up your chit chat game!