“What’s your love language?” has been asked over a rainbow roll on a dinner date or tanning poolside on a girls’ trip. The importance of understanding how the people in your life love is a cheat sheet to maintaining healthy relationships. Chances are your partner, friend, or sibling is going to express their love differently than how you do. That’s perfectly okay! Identifying how you like to receive love can help you feel content in your relationships. Usually, the love language you like to give and receive is different. For example, I like to express my love through physical touch, while I like to receive acts of service. Whether you’re a quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch or gifts girl, pinpointing what makes you feel loved is important insight.
If you’re like, “I have no idea what my love languages are??” don’t stress; take a moment to brainstorm. What are the moments when you’ve felt most loved? When you love someone, what impulses do you have? Truly only you can answer these questions. If you’re confused by the nuances of love languages, here’s my self-proclaimed expert crash course!
- Physical Touch
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A squeeze while holding hands, brushing a strand of hair out of your face, and contentment sweeps over you. The craving to receive or initiate physical affection may indicate that touch is your love language. Thus, a partner dropping your hand or brushing past a hug might make you grapple with feelings of rejection. If you notice your partner’s love language is touch (it’s a common one in guys), a hug after they’ve had a hard day might mean more than you think.
- Words of Affirmation
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“I’m so proud of you!” “You mean so much to me.” “You’re so beautiful.” These elicit scrunched-nose smiles. If words of affirmation are your love language, sweet words give you a sense of security. While swirling a wine glass on my bedroom carpet, my friend sighed, “I was just upset he didn’t compliment my dress.” I noticed that to fulfill this love language, you might need to emphasize that words are important. On the flip side, if you see your partner beaming after a compliment, remember that small gesture could be the reassurance they need.
- Gifts
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If gift-giving is your love language, you’ll spend hours creating a scrapbook or doodling a love letter. However, a gift giver’s love language doesn’t have to be big gestures. You’ll find you can’t resist little tokens of thoughtfulness when you’re scanning the aisles of a store. If you like to receive gifts, you appreciate tangible symbols of affection. Little things I’ve given to friends and partners include a batch of homemade cookies, a book they wanted to read, or a chapstick when they said they needed one. When you like someone, physical things make you think of them. Although, I must say my bank account does not appreciate this love language.
- Quality Time
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Pulling out a board game, grabbing Chinese takeout, or going on a walk hand in hand — even the mundane can mean a lot to someone with a quality time love language. When stopping at a red light with McFlurries in my friend’s cupholders, she noted, “I just appreciate when people allow me to take part in their time; time is precious.” If your friend or partner expresses quality time is their love language (you might notice this when they consistently ask you to do simple things with them), inviting them to study with you or go get a late-night snack has the potential to reinforce your relationship.
- Acts of Service
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Despite every guy on Hinge declaring their love language is physical touch, I’ve noticed acts of service are pretty consistent with the guys I’ve dated. When my car won’t start, when my camera is broken, when I’m sick and need aspirin, they leap at the chance to fix the problem. These gestures of thoughtfulness go a long way. Acts of service can be small; after lounging on the sofa, I’ll notice my partner has taken out the trash or put my dishes away. If your love language is acts of service, you have the impulse to remedy your partner’s problem or accomplish simple gestures you know are important. In my book, the people in my life always get brownie points for doing small considerate deeds.