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Sex + Relationships

The 80/20 Relationship Rule You Never Knew You Needed

You reap what you sow, right?

Sometimes, this doesn’t apply. One such example would unfortunately be… relationships. Sometimes you give your all, but you still fail to get anything back from your partner in return. The 80/20 rule will not solve any of your problems, but it might help keep you in check and perhaps shift your perspective on how your relationship is actually doing. And hey, if the shoe doesn’t fit, and something still doesn’t seem to be clicking right with you, then maybe it’s also time to reevaluate your relationship.

The 80/20 rule is simple: Expect that you only get 80% of what you want, and allow the remaining 20% for minor issues that you get annoyed over. As we progress in our relationships, it’s easy for us to be caught up over our partner’s shortcomings, or his “20%”. I’ve heard of so many stories whereby people shift their focus onto someone else’s partner and start comparing a certain trait or behavior with their own partner, disregarding so many of their partner’s other good points, or the “80%”. No one is perfect, and it’s important that we realize that, instead of setting unrealistic expectations only to be disappointed after. It’s okay that they have flaws (of course, not including lying or cheating).

The 80/20 rule can also be looked at in another way. Allocate 80% of your time to the relationship and the remaining 20% to yourself. It’s also relatively easy to lose yourself while being in a relationship due to the emotional attachment that comes along with being in one. A healthy relationship is one where both partners are able to grow individually together.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Tyler Perry’s movie Why Did I Get Married that sums up exactly the point I’m trying to get across:

“The belief that in a relationship, you’ll never get 100% of what you want, so at most you get 80%. But some other person may come along and have that missing 20% you don’t have. Some folks fall for the 20% just to realize they should’ve stayed for their original 80%.” – Tyler Perry

Clara Chan is a Feature Writer of the UCLA Chapter of Her Campus. A Singapore native, Clara is a 3rd year Communication Studies major with a special emphasis in Film, TV, and Digital Media. When Clara isn't sipping on hot chocolate, she loves to rewatch The Office, create Spotify playlists, and read about the latest news in pop culture.
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