When I was in my teens, I thought I would have a lot more planned and going for me in my 20s. Then we reach our early 20s, and we are hit with the truth that nobody has it together even when it looks like they do. The genre of “coming of age” most of the time means the movie is about high schoolers or middle schoolers. As I am now in my early 20s, I have come to hate how stories about people in their 20s are not considered “coming of age.” Yet, it’s in our 20s when we have to face ourselves without much, if any parental involvement, and we start to get bills in the mail our parents used to handle without us often knowing it. And emotionally, you begin to realize what it means to be truly alone–as opposed to telling our parents to leave us alone. Here, then, is a list of movies that can be placed in my category of the DELAYED “coming of age” story that reflects how messy and chaotic being in one’s 20s can feel like.
- In Reality
-
This indie film stumbled into my life a year ago, and it hit me like a train. The film is about an aspiring filmmaker as she tries to unravel her obsession with romantic love. In Reality plays with the genre of romantic comedies and pokes some creative, but realistic, holes into the genre. The film illuminates that growing up means getting through our screw-ups and not romanticizing other people because that only stunts our own process of growth.
- Someone Great
-
This film was marketed as a rom-com, and though the vibe of the film is very rom-com, it is not that at all. The main character of this story is going through a breakup and also about to leave for a new job across the country. Someone Great is about learning to accept the end of one chapter in your life and beginning another. It also highlights the importance of friendship as a vital human connection.
- Frances Ha
-
This movie just gets more and more relatable each time I see it, which is about once a year. Frances knows how being in your 20s is still a growing-up time when she apologizes to a date, saying, “I’m so embarrassed, I’m not a real person yet.” Throughout this film, Frances keeps having to moving to a new apartment, and, at one point, returns home when she develops money issues. The film also highlights the loss she feels when her best friend moves out of their shared apartment to live with a new boyfriend. We see how Frances perceives Sophie’s move as not only Sophie growing up, but leaving Frances behind. This movie strikingly reveals how many of us at this age may one day feel, as if we are not doing enough to develop our social life or pursue serious work for sufficient money where we don’t have a car repair that sends back home with our parents.
- Columbus
-
This quiet film captures a different side of coming-of-age. Casey is stuck in Columbus, Ohio because she feels like she needs to stay there to take care of her mother, and putting her dream of becoming an architect on hold. There is no rebellion or great love story, as in so many coming-of-age films. Instead, the film reveals how sometimes there may have to be a compromise between standing still and moving forward–and, in that compromise, we grow up to the extent we realize we have obligations to those who either raised us and those we love.
- Saving Face
-
Alice Wu’s debut film was a standout LGBT film and remains one through today. The main character, Wil, faces the need to let down her social guards and develop enough confidence to stop caring about how others view her, particularly with regard to Wil’s growing romantic relationship with another woman, Vivian. Wil perceives how being an adult means accepting yourself and learning to respect yourself. Wu’s film is also powerful in illuminating that point in your life where you realize your parents are just like any other people, and have their own individual flaws, failed dreams, and broken lives. This happens as we see Wil reacts to having her mother coming to live with Wil when Wil’s mom gets knocked up by a man with whom she is not married. This is a film that works on multiple levels of what it means to “come of age.”
- Set It Up
-
This Netflix original is about two assistants who hate their jobs, and believe their terrible bosses may become better bosses if they were romantically attached to each other. The film illuminates how growing up involves knowing when to leave an otherwise grunt job, which may be important in terms of a few dollars for those in their 20s, but is a dead-end by the time that decade in our life comes to an end. Set It Up is interesting because the film’s narrative lens begins to focus on the bosses, who are in their 40s, and showing how poorly some lives are managed–even when you have become the boss. To a younger mind, it may be comforting to know that nobody ever is done growing as a person.
These films illustrate how nobody has life figured out all the time. This may be a timely message many of us need to realize as we try to tread water through a pandemic, which adds more uncertainty to those of us in our 20s, just starting out after college. It may also help us recognize how every day may actually present a new chapter in our lives, one which may offer an adventure we did not expect, or a possibility we can reach beyond where we have been in our lives. Other days may present themselves in a way that simply surviving that day is a great accomplishment–and maybe on those days we should remind ourselves each moment is part of being alive. As people look back on their 20s, the one thing they tell those of us in our 20s is they wish they risked screwing up more than they did–and wished they didn’t worry about how others perceived them. Even with that advice, I find it very hard to break the habits I learned as a teen in a highly judgmental world. Still, I hope these films bring comfort during our own delayed “coming of age” stories that are continuing to take place, even during a time of quarantine.