Ah, the holidays—wonderful, aren’t they? Peppermint cookies, the smell of balsam, sorta-too-intense monopoly wars, tip-toeing around politics. Traditions, traditions.
Now I know, it’s a busy season. Which is precisely why I’m here to remind you to make those Christmas preparations: bake that batch of cookies, wrap those gifts, and most importantly: mentally prepare for that dreadful reunion with relatives. You may not be able to change familial circumstances but you can sure as heck romanticize them! Picture this: you’re the main character in a critically-acclaimed drama traveling toward the impending chaos of a dysfunctional family gathering (possibly taking a 10 hour flight, possibly going 15 minutes down the street, the details are irrelevant). Your internal monologue is being narrated, a montage of memories is shown to the audience, you’re giving the performance of a lifetime through your facial expressions as Camera Two slowly zooms in. Slightly more bearable now, right?
So, if you need a soundtrack as twisted as peppermint, you’re in luck. Here are 10 songs to jam out to on the way to your sugar-coated doom.
- “Meltdown” by Niall Horan
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Perfect for the annual anxious breakdown, this is the first song that came to mind when I decided to make this playlist. Not only does it take an optimistic spin on pure panic, but it makes the situation almost comedic. And who doesn’t need some comedic relief?
- “The Family Jewels” by MARINA (formerly known as “Marina and the Diamonds”)
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Quick Summary: Pop anthem on generational trauma. This sad bop is for when you can recognize the familial issues, but no one else can. MARINA uses jewels as a metaphor for what gets passed down from parent to kid, and how these jewels may look like diamonds at first, but are actually coal (told you it was perfect for the holidays!). Lyrics like “Only thing we share is one last name” make this song just the jolliest of sing-alongs.
- “July” by Noah Cyrus
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“July” isn’t necessarily about a family member, but the internet loves to interpret it this way. Noah Cyrus discusses being treated unfairly and choosing to stay in a relationship anyway. Starting off strong with opening lines, “I’ve been holding my breath / I’ve been counting to ten / Over something you said”, this is a fantastic tune for anyone with an unloving and/or overly critical relative.
- “emails i can’t send” by Sabrina Carpenter
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I’m biased. I tragically love this song. Running at only 1 minute 44 seconds, Sabrina Carpenter narrates a story of resentment without repeating lyrics. If what you’re avoiding this December is a parent who’s cheated and ruined the whole family dynamic, this one’s for you.
- “Dollhouse” by Melanie Martinez
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If you want to be performative, this makes for a perfect drama-horror scene song. It takes an eerie spin on childhood trauma while blatantly recounting past events like a cheating parent (hot topic, I know). If you feel like Christmas is a time for faking happiness and perfection, you’ll relate to the dollhouse metaphor here.
- “Scott Street” by Phoebe Bridgers
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Here’s how I imagine “Scott Street” being relevant: you’re making small talk with family members you hardly know these days, people you love but possibly can’t stand to be around. You recognize how much you’ve drifted apart and feel melancholic as a result. It’s nostalgia in a song.
- “Family Line” by Conan Gray
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Probably Conan Gray’s most vulnerable song, “Family Line” tells the story of a hurt kid turned scarred adult. He hits us with a similar line as MARINA: “Might share a face and share a last name, But / (we are not the same).” Though I think the most fitting line here might be, “It’s hard to put it into words / How the holidays will always hurt.” Fair warning: this song isn’t for the faint of heart.
- “Unsteady” by Gracie Abrams
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Social anxiety girlies, this one’s for you (us)! Gracie Abrams perfectly describes pulling away from family and even discusses the panic and hesitancy of going home. And as the singer-songwriter says, “none of this is changing with the seasons.”
- “tolerate it” by Taylor Swift
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This is another one that isn’t explicitly about family, but the internet has turned into a ballad about being an overlooked child who tries their damnedest and gets little appreciation in return. Though, with lines like “I wait by the door like I’m a just kid, use my best colors for your portrait” it’s easy to interpret this song as a child starved of parental attention. If you’re taking on all the Christmas planning this month and expecting nothing in return, I have a sneaky suspicion you’ll like this one. Here’s to being an undervalued eldest daughter. Cheers!
- “The View Between Villages” by Noah Kahan
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I saved this Noah Kahan masterpiece for last because it is by far the most cinematic. This is the one I suggest using as a backtrack for that dramatic movie scene delusion we talked about earlier. It perfectly paints a picture of returning to your hometown and being hit with nostalgia and bitterness alike. The lines, “The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin / It’s all washing over me, I’m angry again / The things that I lost here, the people I knew” sum up how complicated traveling home can feel.
So, if your holidays resemble a circus act of emotions and drama, just embrace the absurdity and outperform the chaos. Pro-tip: this playlist pairs best with goofy reindeer antlers (sorta adds to the irony). Happy surviving the season!