Whether you are already in a relationship by the time high school graduation rolls around, or entertaining the idea of entering a relationship, you have most likely heard the statement “You should go into college single.”
I got into a relationship right before college started and I remember asking myself, “Is this the right choice, or is it true that you should go into college with no strings attached?” I decided to ask around and get opinions from my friends, as well as share my experience, to get a non-biased conclusion on this popular statement.
- My friend berklee
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One of my best friends Berklee started dating this guy right before our high school graduation. It was one of those relationships where they had always been acquainted, but it wasn’t until the very last moments of high school that they realized they could be more. Fast forward past the happy months of summer and to the start of school in August when her boyfriend moved 11 hours away to go to college. There lay the decision of whether they should stay together because summer was so good. We identified this point in the relationship as the “honeymoon phase,” and she decided to stay.
Each relationship has its hardships, and in the end, Berklee and ‘Mr. 11 Hours Away’ broke up. When I came to her with the cliche of how you should go to college single and asked her what she thought, she said it was not necessarily true. “The person you get into a relationship with in high school is not the same person you’re going to be dating in college,” she said, “it’s up to the person on how strong a relationship is…people change and it’s dependent on whether you’re willing to change with the person or not.” Berklee is now in a healthy relationship with her new boyfriend she met in college, and I’d even go as far as to say that the relationship that she previously left allowed her to find what she truly wanted in a partner.
- Jeana’s thoughts
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The next person I asked was another one of my best friends, Jeana. Her last relationship also began in the summer before college and consisted of going out with a guy who was never really right for her. We concluded that her decision to go out with him was based on convenience but even so, the breakup was still rough, and she proceeded to go to college single.
When I asked her what the experience of being single when college starts is like, she said “There’s a lot of expectations surrounding relationships in college and with that, a whole new dating pool that allows you to meet new people and figure out your preferences, along with what you expect out of a partner.” I believe a big part of what makes people think that they have to go into college single aligns with what Jeana is saying, and that is the fear of settling. No one wants to settle down with someone with the thought that there may be someone out there more suited for them in college, and the truth is, that could be a possibility.
- My own experience
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Just like Berklee and her relationship, my boyfriend and I started going out right before we graduated high school. I shared with him once we were in our first fall semester as freshmen that I did not think we were going to stay together after summer. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to, but he was going to be four hours away, attending college at Florida State University. Plus, I always remembered hearing the cliché that you should go into college single. I didn’t quite believe that to be true and my relationship just went to show me how you can thrive and flourish entering college in a relationship. When you start college, everything is new; the campus, the classes, and especially the community. Having someone in your corner who you are familiar with and whom you can share how you feel with, is a lot more helpful than I think anyone realizes.
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Now all this to say, if you are new in college and you’re in a relationship that makes you feel like your partner is holding you back, by all means, bite the bullet. Just as shared earlier, you’re going to grow and change, and if you are not sure that that current significant other will allow you to do so then good riddance. But I do want to share that you don’t have to break up with your partner just because a magazine with the top five ways to survive college told you to do so. Everyone’s experience is different and with that I find this cliché to be false. Do what you want to do!