You met someone else.
Someone else who isn’t me. Someone I found myself paranoid over for weeks. Everyone told me not to worry, but I should know to always trust my instincts.
I noticed a change in you, but I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to face the reality that someone could be taking what should’ve been my place. Instead, I pushed you away. I pushed you closer to her.
You asked me what I wanted, but you said you weren’t ready. Yet, here I am sitting blindsided because I received a text saying you met someone who you see “a very bright possible future with.”
I was so happy for you to go to the conference, bud. I was excited for you to grow and experience opportunities you hadn’t encountered before. Little did I know just the type of opportunities that were ahead.
I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if you never went to the conference, or if I never left the country for a whole month. When I boarded the plane, I felt like there was so much I was leaving behind. Now I know that I left behind what could’ve been, and that’s all I’ll ever know.
That’s selfish to think about, though. To wish that you’d missed out on opportunities for the sake of not meeting someone.
But life happens, and you met someone else.
Reading what you said broke my heart. I really just don’t get it. I played it cool, but it’s easy to tell when a man has someone else in his heart. The conversations began to dwindle; you started responding less. I prepared as much as I could to hear those words, yet when you said them it still hit me like a brick. Truthfully, I can’t help but feel as if I spoke this whole situation into existence by letting it occupy my mind for so long.
All I can stomach lately is the thought that I’m not good enough for you. That I’m not pretty enough, or thin enough, or even smart enough. I know that none of that’s true, yet no matter how much I tell it to myself, it’s still something I can’t quite acquiesce.
Through all of my mixed feelings, though, I hope you find happiness in her. I hope she treats you well. I hope she’s the person who can keep you on your toes; the person who piques your curiosity and inspires you to always be your best. Although I can’t be that person, I’ll still always be in your corner.
This is only the beginning in the journey of this heartbreak, but it’s time to put on my big girl pants. I don’t quite know what the future holds. Heck, I don’t even know how I’m going to get through tomorrow. No matter how much I’m still attracted to you, though, I refuse to let myself be in a situation where I’m not chosen. I can tell it’s going to be a long road, but luckily I have face masks and Sex and the City to help me out along the way.