Why Sad Music Is Just Better

I like to jam to heartbreak songs and rock out to ballads. My hype songs have a slower beat and sadder lyrics. When a Phoebe Bridgers or Gracie Abrams song blares in my car stereo, I’m told to switch it for something “happier.” But sad music doesn’t make me sad. It’s comforting, relaxing, and raw. You can jam to sad music, and maybe you should. It’s not ruminating in sadness; it’s expressing it. Listening to sad music builds empathy, provides comfort, regulates your mood, and connects you with others.

Listening to sad music helps build empathy. The realness of sad music leads to a connection that feels more genuine than the upbeat lyrics of a rap or pop song. Listening to a good sad song feels like reading someone’s diary. It’s personal and lyrical, relatable and real. It gives you the ability to listen to someone’s emotional regulation to relate and connect. You’re listening to someone’s story and relating, empathizing with their struggles, and appreciating the art they created because of them. Studies show that people who listen to sad music have higher levels of empathy. Wanting that connection and searching for the relatability is a sign of higher empathy.

People listen to music for different reasons. If you want to wind down, a good sad song is the way to do it. The calming melodies and relaxing instrumentals make for a very comforting feel. With the world moving so fast, I think it is beneficial to slow down for a minute. You’ll notice a change if you fill your quiet times with peaceful rather than energetic music. I look for comfort in my music, not chaos. Find your energy in the peace and appreciate the slowness. And then suddenly a sad song will come on the radio, and you’ll be excited to go along.

Sad music helps you regulate your mood. Relating to someone’s sadness helps you express your own. Putting your sadness into singing a song, expelling it, will get that sadness off of you. The worst thing you can do is sit in, cover it up with happy songs and a smile. Just sing your sad songs and feel it all for a second. Blast “waiting room” and cry, scream, get it out in a safe place. Take that late-night drive, turn the music up to max, and just let it all out. Don’t be afraid to be sad. It’s important to be in touch with your emotions, even if you don’t like how they make you feel. Feel it, embrace it, and listen to your sad playlist.

Listen to a sad song with a friend. You’re automatically validating whatever they’re feeling by feeling it with them. Have that human connection with your friends. Give them an AirPod and let them in on how you’re feeling without having to say a word. 

Here are some of my favorite sad girl songs.

“sidelines” by pheobe bridgers

“Sidelines” confronts the idea that being afraid to love someone can give you something new to lose. Or as Bridges says, ” I’m not afraid of anything at all… until you came into my life and gave me something to lose.” Love is such a vulnerable experience, and this song battles with it. Being excited to love, and afraid to be disappointed. It’s easy to be brave, ” and watch the world from the sidelines.” When you “have nothing to prove” and then someone new comes into your life and you have a big something to “lose.” Something that you care a lot about.

“From the dining table” by Harry Styles

“From the Dining Table” comes from what I think is the best Harry Styles album. It shares the idea of missing someone, of suddenly living in “comfortable silence” and finding it “overrated”. Now, all of the calls you were always too busy to answer are something you miss, and you’re searching for pieces of them in new people and places. You’re just wanting them “to be the first one to break.” The first one to apologize, call you, and say it was all a mistake. You want them to say what they want to say. So, you daydream about the day that will happen, “maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too.”

“drunk, running” by Lizzy McAlpine

Lizzy McAlpine is a staple in and a sad girl starter pack. But “Drunk Running” is a story that is not shared enough. The story of Lizzy and someone she desperately wants to help. Someone she wants to keep their word to. She wants to be told that she is loved and for them not to “drink it backwards.” She blames herself, “What if it was all my fault, what if I drove you to it?” She starts listing the reasons she could have caused this, shifting the blame from them to her, “I’m so sorry I stayed when I shouldn’t.” She knew that it was time for her to go, but she stayed because they said they loved her, before they drank it backwards.

“night light” by laufey

Laufey’s “Night Light” is something I listened to on repeat when I was moving out. She begins in her childhood bedroom, inside her family’s home. “Up the staircase, first door to your left.” She describes her record collection, diary, and “twin-sized bed.” Before sharing memories of her time in the room, “all of the laughter,” “all the sleepless nights,” all the things she used to do in her first bedroom, whilst “keeping on the night light.” Before she “takes down the posters of the pop stars on the walls” and moves out. Now her room is empty and “it feels so small.” All of those things that hold all those memories are now packed in “cardboard boxes.” But she still has her night light. She is moving on to her fairytale and saying goodbye to her childhood bedroom, something so hard but so rewarding.

“she’s always a woman” by billy joel

I was between Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman” and “Vienna” but decided that “She’s Always a Woman” needed some attention. Joel describes all of these powerful things this woman can do. “She can kill with a smile,” “warm with her eyes,” and she “hides like a child,” but to Joel she’s “always a woman.” She does all of these things to “take care of herself,” but to Joel, she will always just be a woman. She can do good and bad, but she’ll always just be a woman who is “ahead of her time” and “never gives up.”

“the scientist” by coldplay

“The Scientist” is my favorite Coldplay song. He’s asking to open an investigation, for you to “tell me your secrets and ask me your questions.” As a way to apologize, to “go back to the start.” They’re just fighting “in circles,” not getting anywhere, but he’s sorry and wants to start over. “Nobody said it was easy.” But, “No one ever said it would be this hard.” He wants to fix it, to open the investigation and ask the questions, but it’s so hard. What do you do when you love someone and want to solve these “questions of science,” “science and progress,” but it’s so hard?

“second nature” by clairo

I figured a love song needed to make the list. Clairo’s “Second Nature” begins with chords that sound very similar to the famous “Bridal Chorus” found at most weddings. With its slower beat, it easily meshes with the songs above, but provides a reprieve from heavy emotions. When “you’re close enough to touch” her, “train of thought destroyed.” Suddenly, there’s someone in her life able to “cut” her train of thought; everything becomes second nature. She’s not overthinking anymore, analyzing every word and moment. It’s simply second nature. A good reminder that with the right person, it will be second nature. You’ll be like the “sap from an oak tree rolling down to be near her.”

If you’re feeling the need to sit in your feels, check out these songs for some lyrical companions to your sorrow. You won’t regret it.

• connection
• empathy
• harry styles
• music
• pheobe bridgers