Why I Want to Swipe Left on This Generation’s Definition of Dating

“He opened my Snapchat but never responded.”

“He liked my picture but never texted me back.”

“I can’t tell if he just wants to hook up or if he actually likes me.”

“What if he’s still on Tinder?”

“Do you think he’s talking to 5 other girls?”

“Do I text him first?”

“Do you think he’ll ask me on a second date?”

These are all questions that have an easy solution, and it’s called getting out our foolish mindsets we’ve all been conformed to in this dating world. Our 20-something generation is so infatuated with social media and dating apps that we are sucking the fun and the genuine aspect out of getting to know people and dating, because we are literally all insane and too damn judgmental. The sad truth, is we don’t know how to openly communicate like adults, because we’re too busy stalking his (or her) social media and overanalyzing every text message.

I am a victim of modern dating, too. I’ll admit I’ve tried dating apps like Bumble, but I’ve realized it’s the same old song and dance. I downloaded it out of curiosity once I entered singlehood, and all I’ve realized is how beyond superficial it makes us. With every swipe is a new expectation that someone will give you a chance. That they will find your six featured photos “pretty” enough to start a conversation with you. That your bio is funny and endearing, and will spark just the right guy’s attention.

Well, heck with that.

Since when did six pictures and 300 characters sum up how great you are and capture your true character? Bumble and Tinder are fine and dandy for entertainment and to pass time when you're bored and feeling single as a Pringle, but it can easily leave you feeling empty and constantly judged at the end of the day—because that's what modern dating has manipulated all of us to feel like, girls and guys alike. I’m the furthest from insecure, but trying to meet others online is a challenge because we’re all so easy to write people off for stupid reasons. And we’ve practiced far too often judging every book by its cover.

After you’ve “connected” on Bumble, Tinder, or whatever you use, you shouldn’t feel like you have to prove anything. You shouldn’t feel pressured to meet his or her standards. And you definitely shouldn’t have to feel like you need to be “short” and play hard-to-get in order not to come off as “too clingy.” This is what we’ve let it come down to, and it's pathetic.

To many “Hahahaha’s” makes you way too eager, though you may have the cutest laugh in person.

God forbid you send a kissy face, though he’d probably make out with you if you actually hung out.

Crap! Did you just ask about his past? You’re just a nosey and jealous girl. But in reality, you’re probably exceptionally caring and protective.

None of it makes sense, it’s actually extremely exhausting trying to keep up with what the hell the person we’re trying to get to know is thinking. We're so accustomed to overanalyzing every situation when it comes to meeting people because everyone is afraid of being judged and having honest feelings for someone. Be yourself. If someone doesn't like how you are, then find someone who accepts you. Playing games is a waste of time and you shouldn’t change how you act to impress anyone, in fear that they will compare you to the next girl.

We should be telling people we like that we like them, if we like them. We should be going on dates before we spend a month texting. Face-to-face communication is the only authentic way to read someone and figure out if you’re into them. We should be honest with ourselves and we owe it to others to be honest in return.

I want to swipe left on the hookup culture, the people who ask to “chill” instead of go on a date, and the paranoia that comes with just trying to find your person. We get excited when he texts like it's something so heart-throbbing and romantic because we've accepted these mediocre gestures. And that's not OK. We’re all more than pretty faces and clever bios. We have more substance than 300 characters. We’re all out here just looking for attention and love, and that’s not anything to be ashamed of admitting. If everyone said what they mean, and truly meant what they said, there would be less room for the constant anxiety that eats you alive and makes you question your worth. And maybe we would actually get what we deserve.

Swipe left on overanalyzing, overcomplicating and over exaggerating your dating life. Have your own standards for dating, and hold yourself to them.

 

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