“I think I can see a future with you.”Â
“I’m just not ready for a relationship.”Â
“You’re fineeeee af.”Â
These three sentences were spoken within a week of each other. Neither of you wants to ask, but both of you want to know. What are we? When you’re not quite dating, but you are definitely more than friends, you’ve entered the dreaded situationship.Â
Urban Dictionary, the generation’s most official source, defines a situationship as “Let’s just chill, have sex, and be confused on the fact that we are not together but have official emotions for each other.” To my knowledge, a situationship can define a multitude of human interactions, from Snapchatting a guy who responds once a week to professing your love for someone you have been on and off with for months, maybe even years.Â
The dating world has changed immensely since our parents met and is almost unrecognizable from how people pursued each other in our grandparents’ generation. The Institute for Family Studies claims that in recent years there has been more ambiguity around romantic formation and fewer clearly communicated intentions in the dating world. There has been a divisive split between romantic and sexual relationships, leading to a growth in casual sexual encounters without relationship development, i.e., “friends with benefits.”Â
Dr. Scott Sibley, an Associate Professor of Human Development and Family Science at Northern Illinois University, claims the Smartphone Effect could be causing some of this miscommunication. “Even back in 2014, it was becoming abundantly clear that dating for the emerging adult (18–29-year-olds) population was being substantially impacted by the advent of smartphones and social media.” This essentially means that young people prefer to begin their relationships by communicating through text messages, Snapchat, or Instagram before fully or even partially committing to that person.Â
Let’s break down the three main terms you should know before diving into the current dating pool. We’ve already discussed a situationship, a confusing phase marked by uncertainty and partial romantic feelings. Next up is the talking stage. A talking stage is what some would consider to be more official than a situationship: a step or two before solidifying and labelling your relationship. This phase includes getting to know one another, hanging out one-on-one, and in some extreme cases “playing house” (aka acting like boyfriend and girlfriend without actually being boyfriend and girlfriend). Some people skip this next step, but lastly we have “being exclusive.” This stage has all the makings of being a legit relationship, just without the title.Â
I’m no doctor of romance, and I’m definitely not a professor of relationships. This analysis comes solely from personal anecdotes, stories from friends, and articles I found after a quick Google search. The best way to figure out your feelings for someone is through clear communication. Skip the mess and the stages by simply talking to each other. You could even shock Gen X by having the conversation face to face if you are feeling extra daring. You deserve more than half of someone else.