Like many high schoolers, I had a boyfriend. I thought our relationship was a fairytale that would last a lifetime. We started dating junior year, and the following fall, when college decisions rolled around, we faced a huge challenge. My family was moving to Florida from Chicago after graduation, and I knew he wasn’t planning on leaving Illinois. UCF was a perfect fit for me, yet I had only one concern: distance from my boyfriend. We knew that we couldn’t make our college decisions based on each other. Once we committed to our schools, we also decided to stay together.
The summer after our senior year was wonderful, but we knew the end was near. We said our goodbyes in August, with plans for him to come visit me in Florida for Thanksgiving. We texted all day, called every night, and FaceTimed when possible, but it became harder to stay connected emotionally when we were thousands of miles apart. After countless nights of crying, fighting and then making up, we finally called it quits. I made the decision, but the next day I woke up to dozens of texts and missed calls from him, claiming we made a huge mistake. However, I stuck with my decision. But an opportunity arose for us to visit home sooner, and we eventually got back together. The visit was great, but when I returned home, the feeling of sadness and confusion took over again. What was the point of this if we can’t even make it work for a few months, let alone four years?
As you can probably guess, I ended it again. This time there was no disagreement between us, and here’s what I learned from this experience.
- Don’t regret your decisions
-
If you have doubts that it will work, it probably won’t work. There’s no reason to delay the inevitable; the sooner it’s over, the sooner you can move on.
- It’s going to take a really long time to move on
-
And that’s okay — I still struggle now. Do what you want or need to get past it, but don’t beat yourself up if it takes you a while.
- Date someone else, but don’t lower your standards
-
I dated a few people after the breakup, but since my ex-boyfriend was the only person I had ever been with, I didn’t know what I was looking for. I didn’t want someone exactly like him, and that caused me to go out with guys who were completely wrong for me. It’s okay to be picky.
- Be careful to not get too serious too soon
-
If you start dating someone and you still aren’t over your ex, you should probably call it off. Be ready if you’re going to get serious, simply to respect the other person’s feelings. This happened to me, and it hurt the guy I was seeing because I couldn’t reciprocate.
- Don’t compare your relationship to others
-
When things ended, I felt like a loser and thought people would think we never really loved each other, or that we were weak for ending so quickly. Everyone’s situation is different, and I regret comparing ours to others.
To anyone in a long-distance relationship, I wish you the best. No one knows how hard it is until they experience it. Even though it didn’t work out for us, I know couples who have made it work — in the end, there’s no perfect choice. If you break up, you may never know what could have been. However, if you stay together, you are accepting the long-term struggle of distance, with no end in sight. The most important thing you can do is prioritize your own happiness and mental health, and learn from the experience to build better relationships in the future.