The stress of choosing a perfect dress for the big day is unlike any other. There is an expectation that what you wear while walking down the aisle be exquisite, yet not so extravagant that guests remember it for all the wrong reasons. You want the dress to fit you like a glove, while still allowing room for dancing and dessert later in the night. Picking out such an item is a dream that many little girls have; however, for me, it was proving to be a nightmare. I was three weeks out from a wedding with no dress selection in sight, caught in equal parts panic and denial. The funniest part? I wasn’t even the bride.
A month ago, I had the privilege of being a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding to his wonderful wife. She, being much more laid back than I, had very lenient instructions for what our attire was to look like. The only criterion was to wear a black, floor-length gown, seemingly straightforward guidelines that gave my mind way too many directions to go in. My mom and I had ordered dresses and exhausted the stores, but every item seemed just a bit off.
I was amazed during bridesmaid shopping at how many different ways I could look ridiculous in black fabric. My barely exceeding five-foot frame was no match for a dropped waistband that fell tightly at my hips, leaving a baggy area right near my stomach. I mean, what girl wouldn’t love to penguin walk down the aisle with enough room to carry snacks near her waistband? If that wasn’t enough, the top of each option left me debating whether adjusting the dress or my anatomy would be the simpler solution for finding any real support. I left each try-on feeling dejected, wondering what body type these gowns were designed for and why mine didn’t fit the bill.
My mom, luckily, spotted a dress online two weeks before the ceremony that could be tied in 20 different ways, almost guaranteeing that one of them would fit my body. Arriving rather close to the wedding date, I had finally put on a dress that required only a length alteration. I felt beautiful in the gown on my brother’s big day. As my friend tied the fabric and we mercilessly debated which style felt most correct, I was almost able to toss aside all my negative dressing-room thoughts about my body.
When I walked outside after the tying session, I saw that one of the bridesmaids had ordered a DoorDash delivery of a sewing machine only a couple of hours before the ceremony. Her last-stitch dress had fit so poorly that she and another bridesmaid had to alter the length and waist of her garment on the day of the wedding. It was in that moment that I realized I had been so caught up in my own thoughts about my figure and how it should look in a dress that I hadn’t realized the sheer number of individuals who had gone through the same experience I had.Â
Another bridesmaid found herself in such a time crunch with her ill-fitting dress that her mom had to put on the gown for her so the alterations could be completed in time. Her mom shared the terrors of running into an old friend while wearing her daughter’s high slit, low back dress in the store. I continued to grow more surprised as the other bridesmaids shared their dress challenges. Despite the wide range of sizing and available stores, not a single outfit fit any of their frames on the first try-on.
The alteration and dress-picking issues didn’t end at the wedding party; it seemed as though every woman in attendance had their own challenges when it came to finding the perfect attire for the occasion. The guests had a great deal of freedom in what they could wear, yet as I walked around during the reception, there was a common theme in conversations about how formal dresses are impossible to find. Women of all shapes and sizes shared the same struggle I had at some point in preparing for the ceremony.
Even setting aside the bride’s personal story of finding and fitting into her beautiful wedding dress, dozens of women, both at that wedding and in their own lives, have reached the same frustrating conclusion: their bodies are somehow at fault. When women across the spectrum face this problem daily, how can we possibly say our bodies need fixing? There is overwhelming evidence that women’s clothing is often designed as if it isn’t meant for real bodies. Somewhere along the lines, we have forgotten that our clothes are supposed to fit our figures, not the other way around.
Trying to produce a garment that fits every female is unachievable, primarily since the fashion industry has been rooted in fundamental flaws for decades. That doesn’t mean, however, that the struggle should feel so isolating. Seeing the chaos of last-minute alterations and hearing every woman’s anecdote was all the evidence I needed. If women across such a broad spectrum of builds are all facing this difficulty, it means the sizing system is impossible to navigate, not that our bodies are the problem. By recognizing that we are not alone in this wardrobe war, we can challenge self-doubt and, hopefully, walk out of the dressing room with confidence rather than defeat.