When you tell people you’re from Florida, they automatically think you’re from Miami and live on South Beach topless singing “Margaritaville.” They assume you spend your days prancing around Disney world, have a forever golden tan, and sip Piña Coladas out of bendy straws. They couldn’t be more wrong—most of the time at least. Although I wish the Florida misconceptions were true, and I was a tan goddess, life of a Floridian goes a little something like this:
On days Florida girls decide to straighten our hair, we don’t. A real Floridian knows presentable hair is not an option in the summertime. (Or fall, winter and spring for that matter.) Hair straightening is saved for when the weather is 70 degrees, which is probably one week in the year, and that’s cold to us.
We sweat profusely in places we didn’t even know existed, that’s why we live in flip-flops and tank tops. Girls wear daisy dukes just about anywhere, and “clothing optional” signs are seen just about everywhere.
We mentally prepare ourselves to get into our 110 degree cars. Parking in the shade rarely ever makes a difference, and you better hope your sweat stains don’t show on those leather seats.
Outside activities translate to bugs, lots and lots of bugs. Cockroaches, mosquitos, and lizards not fireflies.
One minute it’s sunny and the next minute a hurricane is swooping through. Welcome to the ever-so famous bipolar Florida weather. Usually there’s a rainbow an hour later (or a few minutes)…and somehow we aren’t phased at all.
#FloridaProbs trends on Twitter because of the torrential downpours we endure.
Alligators nonchalantly come out of sewers and onto the roads. Yeah, that really happened.
The only place we get our food is where shopping is a pleasure. And of course, our favorite subs are PUB SUBS!
The drivers are just awful. But there’s so many elderly, so there’s an explanation.
Just about everyone from our hometown high schools attend UF, FSU, UCF, FGCU or FAU—and you’ll most likely run into them everywhere on campus.
Snow days? More like flood days.
We go to the beach every season, and also purposely brag about that aspect of Florida life to all of our northern family and friends.
Mountains are smelly landfills that we pass driving on the highway.
What’s fall foilage? Never heard of it.
We question the sanity of families who go to any Florida theme park in the summer steam.
Florida is just a little different when you live here than when you vacation here, and that’s the truth. We do go to the beach, kick our feet up, and enjoy the beauty of it sometimes. I wouldn’t change the heat for the blizzards, the beach for the mountains, or the humidity for a wind-chill. We’re complainers, but Florida is home. I guess only we will understand that the struggle can be seriously real, but hey “we live where you vacation.”