Thoughts While Watching Twilight as an Adult

The first Twilight film came out in theaters when I was in the fifth grade. Everyone in my school spent their free time talking about the film, the book it was based on, and if they were team Edward or Team Jacob. I must admit that I was one of these people. I gushed over Edward’s hair and wondered if I could recreate Bella’s prom outfit for my senior year of high school. Even though everyone in my school swore they would never love a film, or novel, as much as Twilight, they inevitably hooked their eyes on the Percy Jackson series. The Twilight phenomena is not as strong as it used to be, so when I came across the film during the summer, I decided to re-watch it.

These were my thoughts while watching Twilight as an adult:

1) Why does Bella wear long sleeves in the middle of the heat in Arizona?

2) Forks doesn’t seem to be that bad. I wouldn’t mind living there.

3) How could you not see that they are vampires? A family of older looking, gorgeous, people go to your high school. Yep, they are definitely seventeen years old.

4) Bella kind of looks creepy staring back at Edward.

5) Edward looks creepy staring back at Bella.

6) Okay, it’s cute the way they talk to each other about the different phases of the cell cycle.

7) Why does no one question Edward’s speed, when he saved Bella from the car, except her?

8) If a dude told me he could read people’s minds, I wouldn’t stick around. I would go. Apparently, this thought process doesn’t cross Bella’s head.

9) This might have been the quickest way to fall in love with someone. Excluding the film Frozen.

10) He’s a “vegetarian vampire”. Seems legit.

11) Why doesn’t Bella take charge of her safety? Why does she insist on letting Edward and his family handle James?

12) Oh my God. She left the hotel and is going to the ballet studio. Hasn’t she seen movies? Doesn’t she know a trap when she sees one?

13) It only takes Edward’s family to kill James in minutes? The screenwriters needed to hurry the plot in order to save the film.

14) Kristen Stewart makes great faces when her costar is “sucking” the venom out of her arm. I demand she win an Oscar.

15) Aw, they go to prom together.

16) Damnit, Bella. What’s the rush to become a vampire?

17) Oh no. That’s Victoria, a woman who somehow has gorgeous curls in any situation she’s in. Especially when she looks pissed as hell.

18) The sequel is even more corny with every passing dialogue.

Instead of gasping at every turn of the plot, I laughed. It was comical to me at how one dimensional all the characters were. Bella, a girl who clings onto her boyfriend’s love and sees a life with him. Not one of her own. Edward, a brooding guy who is emotionally abusive to Bella when she tries to do anything. His protection quickly turns into a suffocating environment. I wish I had paid more attention to characters and film series that illustrated people in all their forms. The Twilight saga is the symbol of a weak girl, with a vampire boyfriend, who can’t seem to take over her own narrative. Their “love” thrives on flat conversations and selfish arguments. Nonetheless, this phenomenon captured the world in 2008 through 2013, and book stores across the nation. But, as I watched the film series over again last summer, I couldn’t help but see for what it truly was; a comical disaster.