I never liked the phrase “putting yourself first,” I thought it sounded selfish. I thought that by putting myself first, I was disregarding others’ feelings. What I didn’t realize is that I was totally disregarding my own feelings by putting myself second.
There was an instance, recently, where I was at a crossroads regarding what I wanted to do in my life. I was on the phone with my mom going over the pros of cons of each option when she stopped and asked me, “What would make you the happiest?” This was not something that I’d taken into account. I hadn’t thought of what I truly wanted and was only thinking about what would ruffle the fewest feathers. I realized then that my mindset needed to change.
Putting yourself first isn’t supposed to make you feel guilty, sad, or shameful. Rather, putting yourself first is supposed to be another form of self-love. It’s a way to check in with yourself and to make sure that you have your metaphorical oxygen mask on before you help someone else with theirs. Here are a few techniques that have helped me on my journey!
1. It’s okay to say no
If something is wrong, ask for help. Don’t push down your feelings. Talking through your problems with someone can be scary, but it’s so worth it. There are people around you that are here for you and want to hear how you’re feeling. But if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone you know, therapy is a great option and many schools provide access to free therapy on campus *wink wink*. It only harms your mental health to keep pushing down your feelings. They’re valid: don’t hide them away.
2. Don’t Bottle it up
It’s totally okay to say “no” and put up some boundaries! If you keep saying yes to every night out, every plan, and every opportunity, you’re headed for extreme burnout and ultimately your mental health will suffer. Of course, go for your goals and go after those amazing opportunities but know what your limit is and don’t exceed it.
3. Treat Yourself
My favorite part of putting myself first is treating myself. This is how I justify all my unnecessary purchases at Target. Treating yourself can be buying a candle or cooking yourself a nice meal. It can be taking a bath or getting yourself flowers. Take some time to do whatever makes you happy and relaxed. TREAT YO SELF!
Putting yourself first is a form of self-care, a way to help you check in with yourself, and a way to keep your mental health on track. Learning this valuable lesson takes time; we are so programmed in our society to care about what others think and try to satisfy others that we disregard ourselves in the process. So let’s go on this journey together and redefine the stigma around putting yourself first!