Thanksgiving Day Narrated by Drunk Uncle

October has come to an end, which means we have to say goodbye to all of our scary decorations, slutty Halloween costumes, and scarf down those last pieces of candy as we welcome in the new month. November is here so it’s time to crack out the turkey decorations, cooking aprons, thanksgiving football jerseys and brace ourselves to deal with family dinners…and most of all, our beloved drunk family members. We all have a little bit of drunk uncle in us and we certainty all have that family member, whether they’re drunk or sober.

1.     When drunk uncle asks that question you’ve been trying to avoid all night…your dating life. We all know that dreaded question is coming, one can only hope that it doesn’t come from him. Without fail, he will find a way to make that question painfully awkward for you and those around you. 

2.     Drunk uncle constantly complaining about social media and not having enough face to face interaction anymore. It’s all fun and games until he calls out your incessant selfies on Snapchat.

3.     Death glaring you from across the table as you reach for that second piece of pumpkin pie. As soon as you lock eyes he grabs the piece before you can and shoves it in his mouth.

4.     Mixing you and your cousin up, constantly calling you guys by the wrong name. Even though your names are nothing alike, he still manages to mess it up. As soon as he realizes that he got it wrong, he tries to play it off like he meant to do it, but we all know he really doesn’t know.

5.     It wouldn’t be a full on drunk uncle episode without him bringing up politics. Of course he gets drunkenly heated about the subject and pretends he knows what’s going on with current issues, even though he clearly has no idea.

6.     Constantly bringing up old embarrassing stories of his siblings. It’s always a fun story time experience for you and your cousins, although for your parents…not so much! You have to love those classic stories of your parents getting themselves into trouble back in the day. They make for great leverage to use to your advantage in the future.

7.     Drunk uncle has hit that point of the night where he starts complementing everyone. You may not be able to understand all of his slurred words but that’s okay, you’ll take what compliments you can get.

8.     Now he’s entered the phase of racist comments and he’s back to calling you out on things. Well that is, if he can remember your name and that you and your cousin are two different people.

9.     When drunk uncle hits that point of the night where he subtly starts hitting on you. At that point you just have to look the other way and wait until he passes out.

10. Drunk uncle of course starts confusing where he is and eventually questions what state he’s even in. Then he starts reminiscing about his childhood and saying how life was better in the olden days. 

11. Of course, it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without drunk uncle ending the night with a few good ol' jokes. Of course these jokes are all extremely offensive and mostly anti jokes but he still laughs at them anyways.

 

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