Thanks J.K. Rowling: "The Cursed Child" and The Five Stages of Grief That Follow

We all know that J.K. Rowling is the true queen (sorry, not sorry Beyonce). She created the world of Harry Potter through books that we all started reading when we were eight years old and movies that we all cried over when the final movie was released in 2011. Naturally, we were all excited when J.K. announced that she was writing a new play called Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. While she played it cool for months, Rowling announced about a week ago that The Cursed Child was going to be a sequel: the eighth part of the story that we’ve all been begging her for via Tumblr and Twitter for years—a story about Harry’s children.

As a Potterhead sorted into the Slytherin House, you can imagine my excitement. Well, you can’t really because it was too much for others to fathom. That is, until I realized there is no possible way for me to see the play since it will only be performed in London. Suddenly, my love and admiration for J.K. Rowling turned into anger and resentment.

Why couldn’t she have just written a book? It’s not like Harry Potter is enjoyed by billions around the world, Jo. I’m sorry you think Londoners are the only people worthy enough to see your work come to life. 

Look, I’m not asking for another movie: I just want the play to be a book or to be published or televised in some way. You’re writing the play anyway, Jo. 

While I hope and pray for The Cursed Child to somehow be published or come to Orlando on a traveling tour along with my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, I decided to share my grief with the world.  Here are the five stages of grief once you realize you will never be able to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child:

1.     Denial

The dates just haven’t been announced yet for the U.S. It’s all good. I’m sure in a few weeks, they will announce dates for the play in the U.S. or that opening night will be shown in theatres like how they show Ed Sheeran and One Direction’s concerts in theatres. It’ll just take some time and patience. I mean, it’s just like how my Hogwarts letter got lost in the mail, right? Right??

2.     Anger

Who am I trying to kid here? I’m a Slytherin, I’m not going to fall for this. How dare you, J.K. Rowling? Tell them how it happened that night you made this decision.  How you betrayed the fans that trusted you! Plus, the original cast isn’t going to be in the play, and I get that Harry will be aged by 19 or 20 years and they didn’t do that great of a job with it in the films, but I still don’t want to see anyone else but Daniel Radcliffe and company play Harry and his friends. I mean, I know she already killed most of the iconic characters, but it will be horrible without Daniel, Rupert, and Emma. I can’t even watch or read Harry Potter right now.

3.     Bargaining

Well, you know J.K. always said Hogwarts is free for all students. If I plan on going there after college instead of grad school, I will have enough funds in my student loan to pay for a plane ticket, a ticket to the play, and enough food and water for approximately 24 hours in London. I can definitely do this. I can convince my parents it's worth it. I mean, who needs grad school when you can be a witch or wizard?

4.     Depression

This is never going to work. I’m a Slytherin, after all. I know that even if I convince my parents to let me go and spend all of that money, I still need to pay for books and go to grad school. I will need a job that pays real money whether I live in the Muggle or Wizarding World. I’m never going to see this play. I will never know why Albus Severus Potter is cursed or what Harry is doing with his life. I will just have to read dreadful summaries about the play or hope that someone posts a blurry, hard to hear video on YouTube that I can watch while drowning my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. My life will never be complete knowing that something is not well even though J.K. Rowling promised “all was well” after 7 books, 8 movies, and Harry Potter’s first 19 years. Why did I have to hear about this? My life is over.

5.     Acceptance

Those YouTube videos won’t be as horrible as I think. They never are. You’ll at least be able to figure out what happens via the Wikipedia summary. J.K. Rowling is a queen—a genius. She knows what she’s doing, and she wouldn’t be limiting this play to London for the time being if she didn’t have a purpose or a plan. At least we will all get the answers we have been looking for. Thank you, Jo, for listening to us Potterheads.

So as I sit here crying while all the Potterheads in England are buying their tickets, I have to admit that I am through the roof excited for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I cried at the end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (both the book and the movie) because I thought this was the end of the story, like J.K. Rowling always said it would be, so it is a miracle that another story is being released. I'll just have to subdue my rage by venting over how the movies destroyed Ginny Weasley or go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and cast spells with my interactive wand while sobbing into my Butterbeer ice cream. 

 

Photo credit:

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http://diply.com/trendyjoe/23-hilariously-clever-harry-potter-memes-that-even-muggles-will/43339

http://www.tor.com/2014/07/31/best-harry-potter-memes-gifs-videos-july-31/

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