I think I speak for many women when I say I’ve said “Yeah, I’m just really lucky” way too many times. When talking about career opportunities, connections I’ve made, or even grades in classes.
It has become so common for women, especially young women, to boil their achievements down to pure luck. When men achieve something, people say their “impressive skill” got them there, not their blatant privilege. Since men are so commonly the ones that get success, it is shocking to some when women succeed so it’s called luck.
Most women don’t even realize they are doing it. I certainly don’t. It took a friend of mine to call me out on it to realize I was feeding into the stigma. I recently got a job offer and went “Wow, yeah I don’t know how I got so lucky!” I immediately had to be called out. You are not lucky when you get job offers. You work hard and that’s how it happens.
This stigma is carried on by the phrase “lucky girl syndrome.” For the past year, girls and women have been posting about this social phrase. The phrase can go both ways. It could be beneficial when you set affirmations for yourself and you see it prosper, but it is also harmful because you could be working towards a goal, achieve it, and then say it was because of your “lucky girl syndrome.” Imagine hearing the phrase, “lucky boy syndrome.” I’m sure people would laugh. And that just proves my point even more. Why do we women say so much of our lives are based on luck?
The Inclusion Initiative from the London School of Economics was a study conducted last year that showed that in the years 1970 to 1920, women in professional fields were more likely to be looked at as lucky instead of competent. “The problem is that males become disproportionately rewarded for what is thought to be skill, without regard to the ease through which earlier successes may have been afforded.” Odessa S Hamilton, author of the research, said, “By contrast, women may be considered unworthy of their positions, or their success may be thought to be the exception and not the rule.”
Why are women the exception? Why do we have to say our success is us being lucky? It takes a whole reprogramming of your brain to train yourself to stop saying it.
Not only do women say they are lucky for things they deserve, but often they’ll give credit to other people. We will say things like “I’m just lucky for the connection I made or else I wouldn’t have gotten this” or “Yeah, it is all thanks to my boss.” No! Stop it! You worked hard so you could get the things you deserve. Yes, people may help you get good opportunities, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t work to get it yourself.
So stop redefining the things you deserve as luck! You deserve a seat at the table and you worked hard to be there!