Let’s talk about having boy best friends. The concept of being best friends is simple, but it’s somehow always complicated. The sincerity of your platonic relationship is always being judged by boyfriends, friends and sometimes even yourself. If you clicked on this article, you must be in the same pickle that I’ve been in a multitude of times. So, you think you like your boy best friend? Let’s see if you really do.
“Do you like them or the way they make you feel?” is the real question. Before pursuing your boy best friend, it is important to be confident that you like them. A lot of times, when we fall for our boy BFF, we instantly jump to denial and question the validity of our feelings. To be honest, it’s good that we do this. I don’t know about you, but if a cute boy gives me attention, chances are I will instantly think I’m in love with him and picture us getting married and getting a bunch of puppies. Yes, it’s one of my red flags and yes, I’m working on it. However, I feel like a lot of us do it and that’s why a lot of times we have a phase of liking our boy best friend before realizing it’s a false alarm. We romanticize our life so much that sometimes we forget to stop.
Don’t be like me. Catch the false alarm sooner than later. Here are my personal tips on how to know if your crush is real or just a silly little phase.
When did you first realize you might see him as more than just a friend? If it’s because he was giving you a lot of attention, you might not like him as much as you think. False feelings for someone are often a symptom of loneliness. If you have been craving attention from a guy or have been really wanting a boyfriend lately, it’s easy to fall for the nearest person that gives you that attention. Here’s what to think about if you’re contemplating if this applies to you: if your crush/ex was also giving you the same amount of attention, would you still like your boy BFF? If the answer is no, chances are that you like your boy BFF because of how they make you feel, because it’s convenient and he’s there.
On another note, if you’ve ever explained your newfound feelings by saying, “Well, we’re just so alike, so maybe we should date,” things could go either way for you. Being compatible with someone is a very valid reason to like someone, and the best relationships are the ones where they’re both your partner and best friend. However, there have been times where I thought these same thoughts about my guy friends, but the thing is, there’s a fine line between being compatible as friends and compatible as lovers. If you weren’t so alike, he probably wouldn’t be your BFF in the first place. So is your compatibility really that big of a deal? Similarity is great, but are you similar enough that you would attract each other? Are you similar enough to the point where you would be each other’s other half, or kill each other because you have the same tendencies? You may be similar, but can you see them in a romantic light? That one is the real kicker. It’s easy to have a silly little crush on your best friend, but if they leaned in, would you laugh in their face or would you be all in?
A lot to do with figuring out how you feel about him is figuring out how you feel when you’re together — and I’m not talking about how he makes you feel in the aspect of him giving you attention or compliments. I mean, the mood you get into when you’re with him. It’s great if you like that you feel comfortable around him, but is that just because you’re scared to leave your comfort zone? Do you feel giddy or like your best self when you’re around him? How about when he talks about other girls? If you feel impartial to his mention of other girls in his life, his exes or his crushes, your feelings for him might not be that serious. If there’s ever been something in the back of your mind wishing you were the girl he was talking about taking on a date, or you have gotten jealous of his girlfriends, consider your feelings for him valid.
Here’s my final advice when it comes to contemplating the validity of your feelings: close your eyes and imagine yourself going on a romantic date with him. Imagine yourself waking up next to him every morning and, just for the heck of it, imagine yourself married to him. If it doesn’t give you the “Ew, I would never, that would be weird!” feeling, and you could actually see those images as a reality, congratulations! You officially have fallen for your boy best friend. If you do feel unsure, here’s my advice for you. Best friends are hard to find. Do some inner-self work, continue as you are with your best friend and let it sit. If the feelings don’t fade out, go for it, but your case sounds like a phase to me.
I understand how scary it is to like your BFF, and I understand it can be confusing. If you’ve gotten to the end of the article and you believe your feelings are more than just a product of his attention, convenience and your loneliness, explore the situation! This could be the start of something great.
At the end of the day, I encourage you to love with every being in your body. If in your heart you believe you really do like him, tell him. Your best friend is the one you can tell anything to without judgment. Go for it, the worst they can do is say they want to stay friends, and you still have your best friend. But you might always wonder what could have been. Don’t let yourself wonder, love them before it’s too late, after all, friends to lovers is my favorite trope; this could be a great story.