In all my years of heartbreak, by far my most complicated relationship has been with a little app called Instagram. At the tender age of 11, I created my first account under the username babybluelove and posted anything that brought joy to my quirky preteen self (of course, I’m talking about my 2012 One Direction magazines.)
But as social media started to transform the culture, my appearance on Instagram gradually declined. Call it a newfound sense of maturity — I no longer needed people to see every detail of my day-to-day, opting for a life of mystery, instead. Aside from the occasional appearance here and there, the reality was that I became severely overwhelmed by “aesthetically pleasing” feeds and the pressure to be perfect.
As with any complicated relationship, Instagram and I have had some ups and downs. Throughout the years, I’ve changed the aesthetic of my pictures (for followers who couldn’t care less if I used VSCO or Lightroom), archived posts that represented a completely different time in my life, and even deactivated my account on multiple occasions because existing alongside everyone else’s seemingly ideal lives negatively impacted my mental state.
With that being said, I returned to the app with a fresh pair of eyes and began posting shamelessly and excessively. By “excessive,” I mean at least once a week, which is a rare feat for people who aren’t interested in the influencer lifestyle. But my goal for posting isn’t to gain a massive following on social media. Instead, I started posting to find fulfillment in myself and place value on what I enjoy, no matter how “superficial” it may seem.
Let me be clear: I’m far from being secure with myself. My self-esteem is a ticking time bomb, and there are many things about me that I’m still learning to love. Growing up with social media, my most crucial and developmental years were influenced by trends, Facetune, and how many likes my posts could get. The more insecure I became, the more my presence felt like a burden and an annoyance to people whose opinions I placed too much value on.
I have an inkling I’m not the only one who’s felt this way. Solely posting on special occasions — Halloween, graduations, birthdays — became the norm for a lot of people. I get it, though. Being perceived by others can be uncomfortable, much less taking up space on social media. Going months without making an appearance, if at all, is far less anxiety-inducing than posting all the time. Luckily, people have found ways around these mixed emotions that make taking up space a lot less intimidating.
Instagram stories have been around for a while, and rightfully so. As an alternative to posting directly to your feed, your followers can choose whether or not they want to view your story, which is less scary than seemingly “forcing” a post upon them. Aside from not having to worry about likes and comments, the music feature on Instagram stories eats Snapchat up. A more recent trend in the age of “Casual Instagram” are photo dumps, which give you the freedom to post whatever you want without being “excessive.” Photo dumps let people gather their most precious snapshots of the past few months in a carousel of intentional and off-guard moments. Though still carefully curated to achieve a laid-back vibe, there’s no better home for your selfies, sunsets, and angel numbers.
Both of these methods can be fun substitutes for a heavy Instagram presence, and I have fun utilizing them as well. But as someone who loves to capture memories at any and every given moment, my phone storage is demolished by the thousands of photos and videos in my camera roll. It’s a shame that most of them never end up seeing the light of day.
Then in 2023, I started to go out more. I started to accumulate more photos and videos with my friends and family. All at once, I felt the urge to share them no matter how casual or random they appeared, no matter if my outfit wasn’t giving, my face was completely bare of makeup, and my hair was totally out of place. My shameless posting started once I stopped looking for specific people in my views and likes. It started once I realized two things can be true at the same time: it’s human nature to judge, and no one’s really paying attention to me, anyway.
A key detail that a lot of us have forgotten is that social media is meant to be social — it’s in the name! Interacting with each other’s content through comments and likes is part of the fun. Appreciating the sweet moments that other people feel comfortable sharing from their lives encourages me to not only capture and post more myself but to appreciate my own sweet moments in return.
Posting whatever and whenever I feel like creates a safe space for me to take up as much room as I’d like. I can be whoever I want to be and learn more about myself in the process. I for one love to edit my pictures to make them more colorful and I don’t feel restricted to create a cohesive appearance. As long as your edits and filters come from a place of creativity and not insecurity, there really is no harm in spicing things up.
Optimism aside, what is important to note is that the pictures people do post are just single moments out of hours and days. My pictures can be a great representation of what I felt the moment I took them, but not always. My posts don’t always portray how the entire night played out or how I felt when posting them. Even when people give insight into the unhappy parts of their lives through heartfelt captions and bittersweet photos, they’re still intentional about what they’re okay with people seeing. There’s a lot left behind the scenes that we need to remember the next time we feel discouraged by what’s on the surface.
All in all, there are many areas of my life where I feel immense pressure: establishing my future career, navigating the highs and lows of my love life, and even figuring out how to write this article had me sweating. But the freedom to be me and post my silly little pictures should never be something that weighs on me. Even if my posting gradually declines again, I’ll still give myself permission to take up space however and whenever I feel like it.