Brutal police states, wealth gaps, a utopic hub, forests with weird creatures, brainwashing, and hot people. What do all these things have in common?
The Young Adult dystopian genre.
I, for one, have fallen victim to the popularity of the dystopian genre and its futuristic hotties, which peaked at around the same time I got my first iPod Touch (RIP). I still have schoolgirl crushes on some of these characters, proving that the genre was transformative and transcended my tween years.
Being that all these love interests hold a special place in my heart, I will be ranking them based on how much I would hold a special place in their heart. The rankings will start from least likely to love me to most likely to love me. Before we get into it, I have one grievance. Why are most of them so serious and so sassy? Like, I get it. The circumstances are dire, and the events that unfold are far from sanguine. But seriously, a love interest can’t be the comic relief too? Are you a soldier in the revolution AND the sassy man apocalypse?
Either way, I’m willing to be the comic relief and beat the trope of having no worthy love interests.
May the odds be ever in your favor!
- Coriolanus Snow from The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
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Everyone’s favorite hot psycho-turned-authoritarian would not love me. Even if I go #theaterkid mode and act like I’m not a threat, I don’t think I would be able to keep it up long enough for me to survive (I roll my eyes way too much). My yapping and joke-cracking would be my demise. What. a. shame.
- Bellamy Blake from The 100
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The camp’s hottest leader likes them smart which is a win in my book. However, according to fans, he likes them blonde. I am not blonde. He also likes them serious. I am capable of being serious, but I would much rather diffuse the tension that stems from whatever high-stakes crap everyone is dealing with than be part of the problem. He would be chill with me in a friendly way and I’ll just have to deal with #unrequited love.
- Evan Walker from The Fifth Wave Trilogy
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He’s kinda cute, but he’s also a parasitic alien in a human’s body. Not sure if I jive with the whole alien thing. He likes taking care of people, so I feel like he would fall in love with me if I’m injured and practically comatose. However, I wouldn’t fall in love with him because he literally had a hand in destroying the whole world. It would be unrequited on his end. I’m flattered… but no. Team Ben Parish till the day I die.
- Finnick Odair from The Hunger Games Trilogy
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My man would make me nervous. The mere idea of him flirting with me would make me even more nervous, but also kind of bold because we would fall into a rhythm. I don’t always pick up on jokes or flirting, so I would take everything he says very seriously until I remember that he would flirt with a brick wall if he could. I feel like he would see me in a cutesy, precious, little sister manner (booooo). But, he would still scoop me up mid-run and save me, so still a win. If he did, miraculously, like me in a romantic way, I doubt it would be anything intense.
- Thomas from The Maze Runner Series
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This is when the conceit starts!
He would like-like me so bad, I know it. He would want me to live, even if he saw me as an acquaintance, and that’s all that matters. He needs someone that’s gonna cheer him up after being in the Maze for a night and he needs someone that’s going to practically interrogate people with him.
I feel like if I joined his cause, he would fall in love on the spot and ask for my hand in marriage. Also, him sliding under the big steel door is exactly how he would look sliding into my DMs, thanks byeeeeee.
- Four/Tobias Eaton from The Divergent Series
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I have a penchant for either getting chatty or going nonverbal in the presence of attractive people (why are you talking to me? Don’t you have a romance drama to star in?). I feel like he would find my slightly skittish nature endearing, but also roll his eyes every time I say something, which is a match made in sassy heaven. I ask way too many questions, but I feel like he would be surprisingly patient. Overall, he likes them awkward, defensive, and (neuro)divergent, so I feel like this would work in my favor.
- Peeta “If it weren’t for the baby” Mellark from The Hunger Games Series
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He likes self-sufficient and slightly unhinged girls… need I say more?
I have absolutely no clue how to use a bow and arrow but you better believe I would be impressed with his cake decorating and rock throwing. Also, I am delusional enough to believe that he would fall in love with me and my charm. Also, a bread maker’s son and a girl who loves to bake make for a very pro-gluten household. He would volunteer as tribute (if he weren’t already picked) just to be with me in the Hunger Games. Ignoring the fact that his heart belongs to Katniss and Katniss only, we would be a match made in heaven’s bakery.
- Jace Wayland from The Mortal Instruments
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I am a huge supporter of tats. Like, huge. I genuinely have no idea if he would love my insightful and sarcastic commentary during training or want to spar to the death just to shut me up. I’m all chatter no chop, so he would enjoy putting me in my place. Also, sparring? Every hardcore enemies-to-lovers reader knows that sparring is the most intense thing two characters can do.
If I play into the delicate damsel in distress trope he would love me because he loves being a protector. If I follow my heart, and do the damn thing myself, he would still love me. It would allow him to truly cherish the rare moments when I need help. The moral of the story: he wants me bad.
Now that I think about it…
I should write my own dystopian book. It would be satire (obviously). I love the genre, but I can also take a step back and acknowledge some of the sillier tropes in a lot of the books/movies. I would self-insert as a Caesar Flickerman type character, because how would I provide commentary and flirt otherwise?
Also, you might have noticed that Gale from The Hunger Games isn’t on this list. You might be wondering why. Let me leave you with this: In what world is he a decent love interest?