La Croix is a carbonated drink that has taken to shelves in recent years and amassed two followings: those who love it, and those who hate it. Those who err on the side of hating the drink have gotten pretty creative in describing the disappointment of expecting a sparkling water and drinking TV static instead. This list compiles a few of my personal favorite insults slung at the naturally essenced sparkling water, La Croix.
- “Spicy water flavored with one Skittle”
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If La Croix tastes like sadness, its equivalent is a single teardrop.
- “I love the hint of rotten fruit in my non-tasty sparkling water”
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The fear in his eyes is very telling.
- “My favorite flavor of La Croix is shipped in a container near strawberries”
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I don’t think that’s how osmosis works.
- “Tastes like a perfume….Demon juice”
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“Why is it spicy?”
- “My favorite flavor of La Croix is a hint of a hint of lime.”
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Did somebody drop a Chipotle chip in a cup of week-old water?
- “Tastes like how Minecraft sand sounds when it breaks”
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La Croix really said crunchcrunchcrunch.
- “Tastes like you’re trying to drink old Sprite through a napkin”
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All of the water but none of the electricty….truly disappointing.
- “Tastes like my water cup at Taco Bell when the person before me chose Strawberry Fanta”
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This description is so specific that it’s hard to believe it’s about La Croix!
- “Drinking my own bathwater > La Croix”
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It really is never what you expect.
- “Tastes like my ability to retain information for exams, if the exam I’m studying for is what certain fruits taste like”
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It’s on the tip of my tongue…but I can’t quite get it.
Truthfully, I’ve never found any pleasure in drinking sparkling water of any kind. The closest I’ve gotten is drinking electricity water at McDonald’s, AKA Sprite. Even then, the spiciness is reduced to a fraction of the flavor in comparison. It’s a wonder how La Croix is even perceived to exist.