Dear Ex-Best Friend,
When some people talk about breakups, they usually refer to romantic breakups. They talk about how they didn’t see the signs, or how they tried to work things out, or how they felt an emptiness after the person was gone. Funny enough, these were all the feelings I had when our friendship ended. People don’t talk about one of the hardest breakups of all — friendships.
Looking back at our friendship, I remember all of the laughs we shared, the memories, the tears, the long nights, the long conversations, and the endless amounts of dancing. I remember how much we struggled together in the class we took in the summer, but at least we had each other to lean on when we didn’t understand what our professor was talking about. I remember you coming into my room and just sitting with me, releasing the weight that had been on your shoulders from having to be strong all the time. I remember crying to you when I felt like nothing was going my way. I remember all of the plans we talked about for the future and how excited we were that we were going into our senior year of college together. Most of all, I remember how easy it was to knock on your door when I didn’t want to do homework anymore…but now, I walk past it like a locked room that I’ve lost the key for. Now, I come home and immediately go into my room, without uttering a word to you. Now, when we’re in the kitchen together, we aren’t dancing or singing — we’re silent and move around each other with tension and hesitation. This is our new normal.
In the aftermath of what was left of our friendship, I had hopes that we could rebuild on the new shaky grounds…naive of me to think that, I know. Naive of me to hope that you would realize our last argument wasn’t worth ending the friendship. Naive of me to think that you would respond to my “hellos” or “good mornings” like you once did before. Naive of me to believe that everything that happened was my fault, and my fault alone. Naive of me to question my worth as a friend because it didn’t match up to your expectations of me and how you wanted me to be. Naive of me to think that I wouldn’t be able to pick myself off the ground that you left me on. Naive of me to prioritize our friendship before the friendships that other people were trying to grow, because I wanted to make sure that you knew that you were a priority. Naive of me to think that I couldn’t last a week without talking to you.
Now, I realize that everyone comes into your life for a reason. I won’t sit here and say that our friendship means nothing now, just because we are no longer best friends. I won’t sit here and say that you don’t mean anything to me, when you do. Regardless of what will happen in the future between you and me, I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re achieving those dreams and goals we once spoke about. I hope you now see yourself in the light that I have always seen you. I hope that you’re taking those opportunities that are coming to you and are running with them. I hope you’re still laughing, smiling, dancing, and singing. I hope you never lose the sparkle in your eyes when you would speak to me about your future. Part of me hoped that I could be there to see all of these things unfold, but part of me realizes that it’s no longer my place to stand by you. All of me has come to a peaceful understanding of that. I can now walk away knowing that although I didn’t get the closure from you, I have found the closure within myself.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Best Friend.