Dear those who believed in Santa Claus,
I’d like to formally apologize to all the kids I ruined Christmas for when I was younger. I’m sorry that I told you Santa didn’t exist and that your mom is really the one putting the presents under the tree, while your dad eats all the cookies you left out for Santa. Maybe I was just a little bitter that you had all this glitz and glamor surrounding your holiday and I didn’t. All I wanted was a jolly fat man to bring me presents under my cool looking tree full of lights, but that didn’t seem to work out. So if I can’t have Hanukkah Harry then you can’t have good ‘ol Saint Nick, sorry not sorry.
I’m sorry that my little Jew self just wanted to get in on the Christmas fun without knowing all the rules. They should really have a disclaimer to let us know that we can’t tell you guys Santa isn’t real. Oops, I guess you win some and lose some. I’m sorry that I was “that kid” who probably ruined Christmas for you and most likely made you cry when you got home. At least you had a made up character that you believed was real, because no one ever got on board with the whole Hanukkah Harry thing.
Think of it this way, you were going to find out Santa wasn’t real sooner or later, I just sped up that process for you. It’s better I tell you he doesn’t exist, then for you to find out the hard way. You could have accidentally stumbled upon one of your presents that was hidden in the garage that magically appears under the tree a few days later. If you’re naïve and don’t figure it out on your own, at least I’m saving your eight year-old self from having to have a very awkward conversation with your parents about him not being real. In reality, I’m helping you in this situation, so you’re welcome. I don’t know if you’ve seen those mall Santa’s lately but first of all, none of them look the same and second of all, those beards are clearly fake. You definitely would have figured out sooner or later that he was a made up character.
Anyhoo, sorry for telling you Santa didn’t exist but hey, now that we’re older we can all look back on it and have a good laugh, right? Happy Holidays!
Sincerely,
An apologetic Jew