A Letter To My (Ex) Boyfriend's Mom Who Never Liked Me

Let me just start off by saying I’m close to a 4.0 student. I’m driven, and kind and extremely family-oriented. I’m a parent’s prodigy child. I’m also headstrong, and confident, and I will never apologize for being who I am. And neither should anyone.

But the problem was, she wanted me to.

I’m not writing this so she feels personally victimized from my writing, though, she’s personally victimized me the past couple of years in my former adult relationship. I think many girls will find clarity in knowing that there’s others out there who feel my pain. And trust me, it is very painful being the girl who had to walk away from a relationship because of an over-bearing parent, and the antagonizing stab in the heart of feeling constantly judged.

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Dear Mom, just kidding, we were never on that level.

To love your son was fun, until you made our life so much harder. You should’ve been supportive and loving toward me. You should realize you raised a respectful guy who was able to find love, and a great love at that, and you should have been happy for him. Happy for us, because that’s the role of family in a relationship. Not to ruin one, for absolutely no reason except your own selfishness.

You should’ve been thrilled he was with a girl that kept him grounded. Who would rather stay in with him on Saturday nights watching Netflix, then out getting into trouble. A girl who cared deeply for things that mattered in life, including always wanting a relationship with your family.

You should’ve never put me off like I was dirt on the ground. Because we both know that’s untrue. You should have welcomed me with open arms, not compared me to how women in your family are. Because I’m not them, and being them doesn’t make them any better than I.

You should have respected me and my differences from you, though you and I, we aren’t much different at all. I wanted the best for him, and so did you—but it’s a shame you didn’t think that girl was me. So why was I never good enough to you? Or at least, why did you want him to think so?

Is it because I am not passive aggressive, and quiet, and I actually stand my ground? Because that’s no reason to be sorry on my end. Those are qualities to celebrate. Woman to woman, I think you were threatened he found happiness in a place that wasn’t in your arms; in a family that doesn’t share your name. There’s enough love to go around for everyone, so I will never understand why that was so horrible to you.

I’ve always respected my elders, and definitely wanted a relationship with you, but you made it so unbearably hard. I dealt with your snarky, manipulative comments far too long. The fight was never-ending, completely exhausting. You have no room to judge anyone when you are imperfect yourself, and if you were “so great,” you wouldn’t have made my life so unbelievably stressful. And you sure as hell wouldn’t have put your son in such a position.

I’m sorry I tipped you off your social-entitled pedestal and made you a little shaky at times, but I won’t allow anyone make me feel like I’m not deserving and inferior. And I definitely won't apologize for being frustrated for your son. What grinds my gears is wondering, why would you ever make your son choose? I would always tell him to choose you. But a lot of the time, he needed to be there for me, too. I was his love; you were his mother. We were supposed to be a team. You made it war, and I lost all respect for you as you sneakily got in his head to break our bond, how dare you. I swallowed my pride for far too long.

I may be younger, but I am wiser and I read you like a book. He may not see it, because he’s blinded by your controlling demeanor. I’m wiser because I don’t judge people. I’m wiser because I don’t hold petty grudges and talk behind others’ back. I’m wiser because I know love is hard to find, and when you have it you shouldn’t let it go. Unfortunately, you gave me no reason but to run.

I will never raise a child and come in between his or her relationship, because I know how unfair and hurtful it is to be the girl that’s accused of creating a competition between relationship and family, when it was you all along. If you raised a true man, he would have cared enough about me to face you. But he didn’t, so I have to be the bigger person to walk away, because dealing with this perpetual battle is turning me into a person I don’t even recognize.

In the end you'll always be his mother, though. And I’m envious your victory is so maliciously won.

All I did was be myself, and at least to my mother, that will always be enough.


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