It’s Not Me, It’s You

There are few things in life that hurt more than heartache. Many of us have experienced this antagonizing pain after an ending romance. The kind of pain where you can actually feel your heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. No matter how you were broken up with, or what your specific relationships’ circumstances were, it all feels the same: really freaking shitty.

When it’s actually happening, especially when you don’t really see it coming, it’s easy to go completely numb and not have the right words for your partner. Maybe you start to cry, or maybe you just throw him the finger, but we all know those actions don’t suffice or represent the love you shared. Even if you rehearsed a breakup scenario 100 times in your head, when he’s saying those words-he promised he would never say- you wish you would have said the right things; to make him stay, to make him try harder for your relationship, or maybe to just stick it to him and tell him in the most epic movie-esque way to eff off.

Even the most confident, headstrong girls feel inferior afterward. You let someone dictate your future, and it absolutely sucks not being in control and holding on to something you really wanted and believed in. Being rejected, dumped, left, it all just hurts because it makes you question your worth and if you’re good enough. This is normal, but only for so long. One person’s decision doesn’t define your worth, and no one in the world controls your happiness or worth except you. So if he’s letting go, you should love yourself enough to let go, too. You owe yourself that favor and luxury.

There’s something powerful in being broken up with when you finally wipe your tears and start seeing the light at the end of what feels like a never-ending tunnel. After you experience the stages of ugly-crying, ice-cream overload, and rom-com binging (repeat) there comes a sense of clarity. You become stronger and sassier, and all of the awesome things you wish you had said to your ex-partner start coming to mind, and it might go a little something like this:

To every guy who has left me, I just feel so sorry for you.

While you were losing faith in me, I was gaining it in myself. I loved with all of my heart, and I’m sorry for you that you didn’t appreciate or realize that, because genuine love is hard to find and when you have it you don’t just let it go. You can’t always expect and want more, when I literally gave you everything I had. You’ll soon find the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

While you start questioning if this breakup is really what you want, I’m painfully realizing this is what I need. I don’t need a boy to control my emotions and decisions, because a man would respect them. You were just too afraid for the future we pictured and painted for ourselves, but I’m really not sorry my charismatic and driven attitude intimidated you in the end. You used to love how goal-focused I was, until my goal was to be with you forever. Than you ran like a scared little boy.

While you’re out there putting on a smile for the world and pretending like this was the right decision “for the both of us,” you know in your heart you messed up and wish it was OK to break down and cry. You can’t speak for me while you justify our breakup, because I know what is good for my soul and what makes me happy. You were that guy and brought me the joy I needed in life. I know you all too well, and I know the guy you think you want to be isn’t the best version of yourself. Because I brought that guy out of you, so keep faking your smile. It's only hurting yourself.

While you’re out there seeking whatever was left vacant in your heart, I’m bettering myself because I’ve found I don’t need our love to be happy. My heart is full with my own happiness now, and the unconditional love and support from my family and friends, who seem to believe I was meant for greater things—because no one THAT great for me, leaves my life so shamelessly.

No other girl will understand your quirks, why you get upset at certain songs we shared or understand you like I did. I knew you at the most important time in your life. I was by your side as you were discovering adulthood and growing up, finding yourself and helping you better your future that I am no longer a part of.

So when the future comes, a new girl will only know the you that learned from all of the mistakes you and I made together. And if you ever do find someone, I hope you realize you can only love her because I taught you love, a gift you should’ve cherished forever. I’ll always know you’ll still see me in her, because our love was consuming and intoxicating, and you’ll never forget, you’ll just regret.

While you lie in bed, some distant time in the future and think of me, I won't be thinking of you too.

These are all the stupid things I should have said to you.  Because it really wasn’t me, it was you.



Cover image credit: Embedded image credit: