I was the one who woke up in the morning thinking of him. And I was the one who stared at my phone awaiting his texts. I saw a future that only made sense with him in it. And I would have done anything to make him feel the same way about me. I was the one who cared more.
He cared, but not in the same way
I said “I love you” first, and I never heard it back. I never was his official girlfriend, and his parents didn’t know I existed. But, I still knew he cared for me. He always texted, called and spent time with me. He would kiss me on my forehead and call me babe. He would fight for us when I was unsure about continuing things. He was loyal to me and told me I was what he wanted. But he had a tiny wall up that kept me out, while I had unfortunately already let him in. He would have done anything, within reason, for me. While I did everything I could to make him smile, for no reason. He cared, but not in the same way.
His words spoke louder than his actions
I held onto every promise, every apology, and every ounce of hope. I knew what he could be and wanted to be the reason he achieved that best version of himself. I waited and loved him the best way I knew how. And after several months, I saw a change. I was finally that girl. The one who made him wake up and realize I was worth falling for. I was that girl. And I don’t think anything else could ever hold a candle to that feeling. If I could have packaged that feeling in a bottle and kept it forever, I would have.
All good things seem to come to an end
Maybe I opened up too quickly. Maybe he wasn’t ready. But I lost him. My attempts to keep him close, were misinterpreted as attempts to close him off from the rest of the world. In his eyes, I became that girl. But not the one I wanted to be.
He saw me as the girl that he could never make happy. When he actually brought me so much joy. He saw me as the girl who got upset for no reason. When I was just misunderstood and wanted to be heard. He saw me as someone that wasn’t worth making sacrifices for anymore. When all I wanted was to feel as important to him, as he was to me. I became that girl. When I just wanted to be his girl.
I hope he’s never the one who cares more
He was the one who cared less, and for that he can move on with more ease. He’ll meet someone new eventually, and she’ll be everything I’m not. Maybe that will be what he needs or maybe it won’t be. But I know I tried, I know I loved with an open heart, and I know I’ll never regret that I did. He cared for me the best way he knew how. But because I cared more and want what’s best for him, I hope he never has to experience what I went through. If he knew, he would have let me go or let me in – a long, long time ago. Nobody deserves to be the one who cares more. Everyone deserves to read an article like this and not be able to relate to what I’m saying.