How I Deal with Becoming an Adult and Being on my Parents Payroll

Leaving home for the first time is hard to cope with, but once you're settled into your new life, that feeling of independence is unbeatable. Having your own place, buying your own groceries and doing things for yourself is a new and exciting way to live. However, that independence is often provided through your parents and that can cause some bumps in your relationship. I spent a long time being frustrated and I have some tips to help you get through those not so fun situations with your mom and dad.

The most important advice I can give regarding relationships with your parents is that you can't change them. They have been doing life for a long time and even when you don’t agree with them, there's no changing their mind. So, rather than spending months trying to convince them to think differently, try and accept the fact that they only want what is best for you and you just might not see eye-to-eye on what that looks like. Also, you have to pick your battles. This really comes into play when you go home for the summer and your parents implement rules. It has been a while since you have had that kind of structure and its natural to retaliate. But instead of fighting them on every little thing they require of you, pick one or two things that are important to you (like curfew) and try and compromise with them. They are more likely to be lenient if you do your best to follow their rules and then confront them with a few things you would like to compromise with them on.

I find that the biggest difficulty I have faced with my parents is trying to please them. Because they are still funding my life financially, I feel that it's my duty to do things the way they want them done (and it is human that I want to please them and make them proud). While it's very important to make your parents happy and their pride in you means the world, you have to know that you cannot live life seeking their (or anyone’s) approval in everything that you do. Not to mention, you do not have to share every aspect of your life with them. You have your own life now and you can share as much or as little as you want.

Even through all of the difficulties, you have to keep in mind that your parents love you and it's just as difficult for them to get through to you on the things they want. You don’t want to make them feel as if their home is a place you are passing through. Your relationship with them will be better for both of you if you make an effort to compromise with them and show them that you want to spend time with them. Don't be too harsh on them and you will see that they will pay you the same respect in return. Navigating those relationships is hard and it takes time to balance being an adult while still respecting your parents desires, but it is doable with time.

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