February is supposed to be the month of love, but for many, it does not land that way. Relationships do not always go according to plan, and the worst is when the breakup occurs with the first person you truly loved. Trust me when I say I feel your pain – a lot of us girls do.
Your life changes when you meet this person. They’ll introduce you to things you never knew about before, take you on romantic dates, and your families will get to know one another. It will be new, exciting, and spontaneous, and you’ll give your all to this person; however, when things go sour, please do not regret these things.
There is no one simple way to get over your ex. Everyone is different, which means the way people handle this situation will vary from person to person; but, from my experience, here are a few things that helped me get over the funk I was in post-breakup.
First, do not push your friends and family out.
This was the very first thing I did when my first love dumped me. I didn’t want to talk to anybody – especially those closest to me. I felt ashamed. I blamed the entire breakup on myself. I didn’t even allow myself to get angry at him for ruining what we had, because he blamed me for the end of our relationship. He told me all of the things that I did wrong, while failing to point out any single thing that he may have done incorrectly also. He told me that we broke up because I was the issue. And the worst part was that I believed him.
If I had only spoken to my friends and family sooner, I would have had my eyes opened by them. They would have shown me that I was not the problem, and instead we were just not meant for each other. Whether it have been bad timing, conflicting interests, or he simply didn’t love me back – it was not my fault.
Second, instead of sitting around and sulking, try your best to get back on your feet.
This was probably the absolute hardest thing I had to do. During the first few months after my breakup, my favorite things to do were to listen to sad music, write depressing poetry, and daydream about what would’ve happened if my ex and I had stayed together.
I could not have gone about this in a worse manner. I’m not saying you should go absolutely crazy after your breakup, and I’m not telling you not to give yourself any grieving time. In fact, I think the first few days should be spent in a sort of mourning of “what could’ve been;” but after you’ve given yourself these days to cry, ache, and wail, it is time to get back on the horse. If you don’t push yourself to get up and go, the days will draw out, and it’ll become harder and harder to do so.
Third, if you need closure, go get it.
Personally speaking, I did not feel like my relationship with my ex ended when he broke up with me. In fact, he and I continued to talk to each other for months and even years post-breakup. Sadly, through all of that time, I still held onto a shred of hope that we would one day be together again. Because clearly he still really cared about me… right?
Wrong. I should have never assumed that just because he continued to be my friend he wanted anything more in the future. And I most certainly should have never dragged out the friendship without clarifying what exactly we were doing.
After I got around to truly speaking to my ex about how I felt and spilling out years of pent-up emotion towards him, the friendship ended. Go figure.
But the best part was, that I didn’t feel a single thing when it happened.
The most important piece of advice I can give to any girl going through a tough breakup is this: make yourself the priority. Do not spare your ex’s emotions and discard your own. I know it is going to be hard. You loved this person. You may still even love him, even after everything that has happened. But at the end of the day, the only way that you will be able to overcome this obstacle is to love yourself completely and unconditionally – more so than you ever loved him. You’ll get through this, and things will get much better. I promise.