A cliché quote reads “If you love something, you must set it free.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth, or the type of guy girls who fall into the category of “hopeless romantics” are looking for. If you love something you hold onto it, unless it serves your life no happiness, then it’s time to be set free.
This quote is hard to understand when you’re blinded by a comfortable relationship, but letting go could be the most wonderful thing for you. So many factors play into a successful relationship, and it’s a lot of work to keep one going strong especially in your 20’s when life is presenting itself with so many opportunities—but sometimes you can only fight so much to be in a relationship, no matter how much you cling to the idea of being in love.
Being a hopeless romantic is fine, until you just become hopeless. If he’s out of the picture—it’s time to embrace your newfound single-ness and enjoy loving yourself. So if you’re in love with the idea of being in love, here’s some critical advice for singlehood.
Explore
When you go from relationship to single status, it’s kind of like moving to a new place on your own. You used to have someone you felt comfortable with always with you, and now you’re experiencing life through a different perspective and exploring what you’ve ultimately missed out on while you were taken. It feels like walking through a new city for the first time. Though it sounds scary, and it is at first, it’s the best thing for you.
All of the sudden these guys that you’ve never even noticed before come flocking out of nowhere. Sometimes they suck and their intentions aren’t the same as yours, but some will make you realize that there really are more fish in the sea, and you should feel lucky if you come across a good guy that’s willing to bring something exciting and fresh to your life. Create new memories; get to know people, go somewhere different with them, and leave everything else in the past.
Explore life, because no one is holding you back except your own conscious reservations.
Don’t be “The Broken Girl”
If your relationship is done, end the tears and the dramatic love Tweets. Your past relationship ended for a reason, be happy about that and accept the way your life is going to change; because it will change.
For some reason, every guy who finds out you’re newly single and out of a long-term relationship assumes you’re broken or have daddy issues. It’s either a turnoff for them because they expect you to automatically be too clingy and attached (and spoiler alert: most guys hate that), or they think you’ll be vulnerable enough to take advantage of you.
Don’t be vulnerable, be alert.
Women are often expected to be “too emotional” or broken. Please represent and prove that there are single, happy girls out there who are not weeping over their ex-boyfriend at night. Be the independent, confident girl that shows these misconceptions are wrong.
To conquer this, don’t talk about your ex to new guys. Just like you don’t want to hear about theirs, it’s really not worth it. The past is the past, if a right guy comes along he will understand that. If you’re broken, you can’t move on to this new chapter of your life.
Don’t Overthink Everything
I think the worst part about being single is the mixed-signals you’re going to have to deal with. When you’re in a relationship, you’re used to reading someone like the back of your hand. You’ve never really had to guess what your partner was thinking, because hopefully it was you—until now.
When you’re single and trying to figure out what the heck a new guy wants, it’s a little trickier and much easier to overthink every little move.
Does he want to take me on a second date? Is he just looking for a hookup? Is he seeing other people? Should I text him first? Does he think I’m weird? Does he even like me? These questions will literally eat you alive, if you let them. Go with the flow, because most guys don’t know what they want until you show them what you want, and your true self. So if you’re silly and weird, be silly and weird and own it. Do whatever you want, with no second guessing yourself.
The only way people end up together is by being themselves and liking each other for that. So just live for yourself for now, and everything that’s meant to be will fall into place.
Know What You Want
This leads me into the next piece of advice- know what you want. If you’re not sure yet, then that’s OK too, but take the time to figure it out, because that’s what being single and on your own is all about. Knowing what you want comes with knowing your worth, and not feeling pressured to conform to society’s standards of what “hooking up” or “dating” is. Let it be whatever makes you feel happy and right.
Eventually the time will come when you will know exactly what you want, and then it’ll be easier to communicate to someone what you’re looking for and find a guy with the same goal. Don’t be too *heart eyed* and emotionally involved with everyone you meet because you’re just desperate to find love and have attention. You’ll end up severely disappointed considering a lot of 20-something men aren’t looking to wife you up just yet… You can buy a puppy for love and attention.
When you begin truly loving yourself, that will be contagious and at the right time, someone else will too.
I’ve never been happier doing things purely for myself, because when you are in a relationship someone else’s happiness is at stake, too. I’ve never woken up without a good morning text or felt inclined to always look beautiful; I knew someone already thought so. Now it’s time to live for me, myself and I.
Someone someday will come along and create picture-perfect memories with me, but for now, I’m making them myself—and you should too.