Trigger Warning: This ARTICLE mentions sexual assault. Reader Discretion is advised.
Sex at first sight!
It’s 2022 and as a society, we’ve strayed away from the traditional relationship of our predecessors and we’re hooking up more than ever. Hookup culture can mean different things for different people, but in general, it encompasses an array of events that include one-night stands, quickies or even casual sex between two consenting individuals without the pressure of being committed to one another. Great, so there’s no strings attached — but is it really that simple?
It’s undeniable that hooking up is part of the collegiate culture and seemingly an expectation of college life, but the ever-growing usage of dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble and Hinge has made it easier than ever before.
Is the act of having “emotionless” and “meaningless” sex liberating and empowering for us, or is this phenomenon destructive, toxic and temporarily filling an empty void that we have inside of us? Do we secretly yearn for that stability and romantic love from our sexual encounters, or is hooking up a fun and exciting experimentation for everyone involved?
5, 10, 15, 24 hours — three days have gone by, and it looks like you’ve been ghosted after sex. Are shitty sexual encounters the new normal and where do we draw the line? Are we settling for less than what we deserve?
WAIT! They just texted me, what does this mean? I’m confused.
The Good
No commitment necessary
When it comes to hooking up, you don’t have the stress and time commitment of being in a relationship and there are no expectations. Many students take the “Friends with Benefits” route as there are no strings attached and you know and trust one another.
It’s no surprise that many college students have a lot on their plate, which means many of us have to juggle exams, sports, finances and our social life. When you’re committed to different avenues of your life, being in a long-term relationship can be time-consuming and costly.
“I think hooking up is pretty convenient because you take the time to do it, especially when you have this newfound freedom,” says Christina, a student at the University of Central Florida. “It’s really as simple as downloading Tinder, matching with someone and getting down to business. I don’t even have to know your favorite color.”
While some of us romanticize being in a relationship, the reality of it is that it can be stressful and very complicated as there are expectations required from both partners. That added stress on top of our already hectic young lives is never good, and therefore hooking up can be a good experience when trying to navigate college.
“Definitely good for experiencing things in stages of your life. Many who haven’t had good luck with relationships tend to participate in hookup culture to get a feel of sexual activity without the necessary ties of being in a relationship.”
-Anonymous Student
You HAVE OPTIONS
Chad from Sigma Chi, Michael from chemistry class, Alex from the local bar, Dante from Hinge, Jason your next-door neighbor and Tanner the Starbucks barista.
The benefit of hooking up is that you have the option to choose who you get to hook up with and when, as long as you both are communicating your needs and your wants. You also have the power to not want to sleep with a pool of potential partners, or maybe you just want to hook up with one person consistently. The power and the option to say yes or no and fully take charge of your sexual life is important and can make the experience fun.
“Honestly, I have no issue with [hookup culture]. As long as both parties are being safe, you can do what you want,” says Jakayla, a student at St. Thomas University.
It’s important to clarify that you have the ability to choose when to have sex when clear communication is present while also being in a monogamous relationship. However, when you’re single and independent, you have the power to choose which person from Tinder you’re in the mood to see on a Thursday night. Every hookup with someone new is a new experience, and it doesn’t get boring.
“As long as there’s consent and communication, I don’t see an issue with it,” says Noa, a student at the University of Central Florida.
Taking a casual approach when it comes to dating can help someone sort out who they are as a person, and what they’re ultimately looking for in a relationship. Hookup culture may be the one thing someone needs to see what they like or don’t like by going through a bunch of options and doing trial and error.
“I think it’s a fun experience and a great way to meet new people.”
-Anonymous Student
The Bad
Attachment & Confusion
“Are we dating? Are you having sex with other people? Should we be exclusive? Why haven’t you texted me back?”
It’s important to know what you want when engaging in a hookup encounter and to know the context of it because if both parties are not on the same page, it can cause confusion, hurt, regret and resentment.
“I’ve been talking to this guy for a pretty long time and we ended up hooking up, but the next day he ghosted me and I could tell he was actively trying to avoid me at events. To me, the sex meant more because I felt a connection, but to him, I was just another booty call.” says an anonymous student.
For some people, hooking up can mean more than just sex, and sometimes you’ll end up thinking about that person when you go to sleep, or even checking your phone constantly to see if that person is still interested in you, which can cause hookup culture to become a miserable experience if you have attachment issues or if communication wasn’t present before.
“Personally I am against [hookup culture] because I feel like it does more damage than good,” says Natalie, a student at the University of Central Florida. “Temporary satisfaction turns into questioning your worth, feeling objectified and not knowing where you stand with another person,” she continues. “In the context of a “friends with benefits” situation, almost always someone catches feelings or gets hurt. A lot of times people stay in these situations because they’re seeking validation from a certain individual, or want to fill the void in their life through casual sex, but after a while the hole grows stronger and starts to consume you, leaving you in a damaged and longing state not knowing who to trust, who really loves you and underselling how truly worthy you are.”
Many critics of hookup culture say it’s not beneficial or liberating and is also very “anti-feminist,” concluding that the other person is wanting a relationship out of it, while the other treats them like sex toys. Such toxicity can lead to a negative self-image, negative self-worth and emptiness.
“In my opinion, it creates a dynamic where a person is emotionally vulnerable to people who don’t care about them which causes problems if you’re sensitive…”
-Anonymous student
Health risk
USE PROTECTION!!!
Being sexually active can come with health risks if you aren’t taking the necessary preventative precautions with each sexual partner and vice versa, and having open communication when it comes to your status.
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), some factors that increase the risk of contracting and spreading STDs are having multiple sexual partners, having unprotected sex and being ignorant of your partner’s status as well as your own.
The bottom line is to ALWAYS use protection because you never know a person’s sexual history even if they seem trustworthy. It’s always recommended to test every six months, or three months if you have multiple sexual partners. Never stay in the unknown about your sexual health status as it can lead to complications down the road.
Getting tested at the Student Health Center or any other health clinic near you can ensure that you’re taking charge of your own health and the health of others with whom you come in sexual contact. Plus, on campus there are many places you can go to get free condoms!
PS: Make sure to pee after sex to avoid a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI).
“Hookup culture is not horrible, as long as you’re doing it safely.”
-Anonymous Student
THE UGLY
Shame and Stigma
Even in today’s society where hookup culture is encouraged and accepted, it’s also something that many want others to be ashamed of, whether you have engaged in it for the first time, or the thousandth time, especially if you’re a woman or part of the LGBTQ+ community.
There are a number of stigmas when it comes to hookup culture that infiltrates the way we think of casual sex. Degrading language such as “banging,” “hitting that,” “hammering,” to name a few, insinuates negative and aggressive behaviors that surround hooking up. Such language draws shame to sexual beings.
Shaming others for enjoying sex, or the amount of “bodies” they have, contribute to a platform where sexual assaulters can get away with harming others, and the moment you stigmatize others for the way they choose to be sexual by using degrading language, it can contribute to sexual misconduct, especially on campus.
If engaging in such “promiscuous” behavior is bad, then how can we as a society respond to perpetrators who commit sexual violence? Most who commit such heinous crimes always brush off a clear act of sexual assault as “just” miscommunication, or as “just” a regretted hookup which can lead survivors to feel powerless.
Hookup culture is not a scapegoat for sexual violence, and it’s up to everyone to encourage healthy and consensual sexual interactions, not just the ones who engage in it. We can empower each other, rather than shaming others for the choices we make about sex, and we have the privilege to unlearn harmful languages.
Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
An Honest Conversation
It’s all about trial and error. It’s okay to not engage in hookup culture and it’s also okay to engage in it, as long as you know what you want and you prioritize yourself at the end of the day. What works for someone else, may not work for you, and you should never feel pressured to follow the crowd!
Open communication between both parties when engaging in hookup culture can eliminate any confusion, and sometimes if the relationship becomes more casual, it can become fun, relaxed and could maybe develop into something more later on (if that is what you want, of course).
Whatever you choose to do, it’s important to have fun and to make sure you’re in it for the right reasons.
Stay safe!