I want to start off by saying that surviving this pandemic is an achievement of its own. If you’re like me, you’re beating yourself up about all the things this pandemic has taken from you, such as the achievements that you were aiming for which have likely suffered because of the quarantine and stay-at-home order. This semester I had a lot of goals to achieve, and this completely threw me off course, especially with what my GPA will turn into. Online school does not compute in my brain, especially when my major (theatre) is more training based and hands-on with professors than something that can easily be translated online. It’s kind of hard to get that through a Zoom call with 10 other students, especially if you don’t have access to the internet or electronics.
If I had a quarter for every mental breakdown I’ve already had since the start of quarantine, I’d have a dollar. Which I guess is nice, seeing as everyone is currently out of work. However, the goal is to leave this quarantine with some amount of sanity left and a good spirit so I can make up for the months of partying I’ve missed out on. Currently, all I can think about are the negatives and considering this semester a fail. I know everyone around me is going through the same mental blockage, but it’s hard to consider that when your brain is on full hyperdrive and ready to crash. Always being someone to push myself to a new level of standards — even if for only myself — I feel like I’ve been disappointing myself more than people I think I am. Recently, I came across a TikTok that made me think about it a little differently — coming out of this alive is an accomplishment in its own.
I’m sure everyone has their own goals and hopes for coming out of this: to have some savings left, a job to go back to, healthy loved ones and for life to go back to normal as much as possible. However, even these goals and hopes shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself if they don’t all happen. This is a time to be extra kind to yourself; to be open with how you feel and how this is affecting you, and to be gentle to yourself, because everyone should be kind to themselves no matter the situation. Your sanity is the most important thing when it comes to your health and knowing what you currently need. Make sure you’re taking time to breathe and enjoy some outdoor time to remind yourself that there’s life outside of your four walls and that one day we will be able to frolic with each other in it.
