Texting is one of the few forms of communication that lacks emotions, body language, and legitimate interaction–yet it’s the mode of communication used most often by millennials. The girls of our generation are growing further away from emotions and closer to the art of mind-f**kery (excuse my painfully correct use of verbiage). To help you poor gentleman folk out…here’s a translation guide to ease your utter confusion.
1. “Um ok”- You messed up big time. Start waving the white flag and retreat from the battlefield. She’s not just mad, but bewildered by your lack of understanding of the millions of ways you F’d up.
2. “Be there in 10”- Expect her to arrive in an hour, if you’re lucky. If this text is followed by a “I swear I’m leaving now” text, then expect an additional thirty minutes to be added to the ETA.
3. “Oh, hey there”– This would be in response to your casusal “Hey whats up?” text. Sounds harmless right? Oh sweetie, you couldn’t be more wrong. She’s annoyed you haven’t texted her in a few days. She doesn’t want to look psychotic but in all reality, she’s been staring at her phone and rereading her previous text convos with you.
4. “hahahaha”– She actually thought what you said was funny. As opposed to saying “lol” after every sentence to ensure that anything she says that could be taken as borderline crazy or offensive, is received as joking.
5. “I’m drunk…come over”– She’ll either be passed out five minutes after she sends that text, or too distracted to check if you texted her back. Either way, you lose. So feel flattered, put the phone down, and go back to bed sir.
6. “I guess you’re cool (flirty emoji)”– She likes you, but girls generally reject those things we contract called ‘feelings.’ This is as good as you’ll get from her until you make yourself vulnerable first. Sorry not sorry.
7. “I have to go to sleep”– This means she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore and needs an exit strategy from the conversation. If she likes you, she’ll wait to text you back the next morning so the conversation can continue throughout the next day.
8. “I’m not ready for a relationship”– She’s either fiercely independent, or you don’t give her a lady boner. Odds are, it’s option two. Denying rejection and blowing up her phone will get you blocked.
9. “Sorry, I’ve been super busy!”– This is her go-to response when she’s trying to kindly swerve you. Oh, and you’ve been friendzoned…in case you’re oblivious.
10. “I can’t talk right now…just text me.”– This means she rather chew on gravel than have a phone conversation with you. Phone calls = constant attention and genuine interest. Both of which girls usually lack, for anyone but their moms and best friends.