Get Real This Valentine’s Day

When it comes to dating, we need to start acting more like real human beings, and less like superficial, mysterious, perfectly-mannered, idealistic caricatures of ourselves. And no, I’m not just talking about not embellishing your dating profiles or not using filters on your selfies. I’m talking about being fully and unapologetically yourself from the very first date you have with someone. 

You may be thinking  “I always act like myself,” but there are little ways each of us try to mask our imperfections and quite frankly, our humanity when we enter a new relationship. 

Maybe we eat salad or other healthy, mess-free foods on dates because we are afraid of being judged on our eating habits. Maybe we never tell the person when something’s wrong with us because we think it’s too early on and that they aren’t ready to handle the fact that we aren’t always “fine.” Maybe we exhaust our fancy wardrobes because we want to seem as if we are always impeccably dressed. Maybe we pretend we have never had a past, that we’re a completely clean slate and nothing our exes did will ever impact our new relationships. Maybe we never give the real answer to that “whatcha up to” text because we don’t want to seem lame or boring if we are just watching Netflix or doing a hobby we don’t think they will find “cool.”

We present the most perfect, polished versions of ourselves in new relationships; believing the ‘real’ us can only be revealed later on down the line. It’s exhausting to put up a front. Sure we want to put effort into our looks, but stay true to yourself and what you’re feeling. Let them fall in love with the real you. Don’t wear makeup on the third, fifth, or eleventh date if you don’t feel like it. Tell him what’s really going on in your life. Be honest even if it’s unladylike or seems too personal.

Relationships are supposed to be about two people getting close and personal. Why have we forgotten that? Why do we abide by rules that get in the way of real, human connections? “Don’t talk about your exes, ever.” “Don’t tell him how you really feel about him.” “Keep him guessing.” “Be a mystery.” 

We are taught to always take the time to craft the perfect, witty text message rather than simply say what’s on our minds, and to never show too much affection if it hasn’t been a certain amount of time, because somehow, that makes us the “psycho, clingy girlfriend.”

Obviously, some rules are just common sense, like “don’t talk about marrying him on the first date.” But there comes a point when all these rules and timelines for how a relationship should play out get in the way of what love is supposed to be, which is something raw and honest that doesn’t abide by rules.

Rejection is the worst thing that can happen when you present your true self from the get-go, but that will just save you a whole lot of time and heartbreak. Besides, if they don’t like you, they don’t deserve you anyway.

So, whether you’re already in a relationship or currently seeking a Valentine, remember that it’s ok to let everything you’ve been taught out the window. Dating is a lot less exhausting that way, and a lot more rewarding.

Cover photo courtesy of thethingsilearnedfrom.com

• dating
• love
• relationships
• single
• Valentine’s
• valentines day