Finding What’s Comfortable: A Woman’s Guide to Sexuality in 2020

Sex. Still a scandalous and taboo idea, even in modern society. Unfortunately, our society has ingrained in itself the idea that women should be discouraged from sharing and engaging in what they enjoy in the bedroom, an outdated and flat-out false idea. Women deserve to find pleasure within themselves and with other people.

Exploring your own sexuality isn't an easy thing to initiate. Take it from me, a woman who didn’t have her first orgasm until she was 19 years old. For the longest time, I was embarrassed and confused about my sexuality. It’s not that sex was ever a taboo discussion in my household growing up, nor did I ever think it should be taboo for anyone besides myself. I simply had put a mental lock on my own sexuality. After going to therapy for four years (and counting), I’ve learned some very valuable lessons when it comes to sexually expressing myself, in both independent and group settings. 

  1. 1. Letting Go

    The first and most important thing I learned is to let go. Let go of the present moment, your assumptions, and your fear of the unknown. For years, I was too scared of my own body to try to masturbate, too scared of doing something “wrong” to try to pleasure myself. Masturbation, contrary to my previous beliefs, is a healthy and encouraged activity for everyone! It’s the ultimate chance to explore what you like and figure out what you don’t, without relying on someone else to figure it out for you.

  2. 2. Comfort

    different body types in black leotards

    The second thing I took away was that it’s very important to be comfortable with your own body. Don’t be afraid to explore the more intimate parts of your body, and become familiar with how they work and receive pleasure. Side note: everyone’s body is going to look and feel different. This is exactly why it's so important to be comfortable with your own body parts. Gaining knowledge on your own anatomy and how everything functions is only going to help you — not only sexually, but also for your physical/gynecological health.

  3. 3. Trust

    The third and final piece of information I learned is to trust other people once you figure out what pleases you. Communicating with your sexual partner(s) about what turns you on and what gets you off is a very important conversation to have. It’s healthy to discuss sex and to have the option to explore new areas with someone you trust! Exploring new things and experimenting safely is a fun and healthy way to build trust with a partner.

In the end, sex can be beautiful, but complicated and scary at the same time! Give yourself time and compassion while you’re exploring yourself and who you are sexually. Don’t be afraid, but also don’t put too much pressure on yourself to figure everything out all at once. Sex is a revolving door of possibilities, and you owe it to yourself to give your body a good time. Have fun!