I asked one of my friends what I should write about this week and her immediate response: “expectations and how they ruin lives”. She, much like me, is quite dramatic but it got me thinking about what she meant and how she actually was right.
I guess one thing that stuck with me through childhood was the idea that Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh is extremely depressing. He is notorious for his pessimistic outlook on life; now that I think about it, I actually found my spirit animal at a very young age. His quotes usually begin with an affirmative and then are immediately shot down; such as, “Good morning, if it is a good morning, which I doubt”. Eeyore was what popped into my head when I thought about our natural ability to expect too much.
“I never get my hopes up so I never get let down” is something I have always associated with Eeyore and now with expectations. For me, it sums up what I’ve learned in the last twenty years when dealing with people, events, and my expectations of them.
I don’t want to say to never get your hopes up because that’s just inhumane, but I’ve realized that the more I expect, the more likely I am disappointed. This can be applied to so many aspects of life from boys to friends to a night out to a simple meal.
There’s a lot of people who don’t live up to one’s expectations and that’s not to say they are bad people for this because they may just haven’t learned to consider other people’s feelings and opinions, but they do tend to disappoint. We assume that other’s show their love and affection the same way we do and when they don’t follow such an equation, we conclude that the love isn’t there. Everyone is different, acts differently, think differently and we tend to hold others to the expectations we hold for ourselves which is why there is constant disappointment. I think it is important to remember that the people that were meant to fall away will and the ones who stay are the ones you want around. I think subconsciously I began to compare and hold my current friendships to a very special one I lost a year ago. My best friend passed away and her friendship was truly unlike any other and so for the next year I would become confused and frustrated at the people that didn’t treat me the same way she treated me. I concluded these people were bad friends, when they weren’t necessarily, just different types of friends. Once I accepted these differences and took people as they were, life wasn’t so stressful. I think it is important to have values and morals and standards, but for yourself and the kind of friend you want to be and then the people who value the same things, are so incredibly special and the ones you want to fight for.
The best relationships really do develop unexpectedly; they catch you when you aren’t looking and creep up your spine and you find yourself asking when did this happen? How did they do this? You weren’t expecting it and all of a sudden they’re all you can think about. These people keep you on your toes and are always down to do something new or go somewhere random. Those relationships have been some of the most fun, long lasting, and meaningful for me.
I think another great example is a night out. If we expect our night to go a certain way, see certain people, and go to certain places, we often are dissatisfied. I think that is why New Year’s has never been the best night like it is portrayed in films. I expect an unbelievable ringing in of the New Year with the most perfect kiss with the most perfect person and instead I end up taking care of my friend and the guy is making out with someone else. When you think about it, the best nights are the ones we don’t plan for – pure spontaneity. When you look back on your favorite nights, how many of them were planned? The nights I’m sitting in my pajamas at 9 p.m. and get a text to go somewhere or do something and I just go, those are the nights that I love and always turn out to be incredible.
At UCF there aren’t many options for going out local, so you know what to expect – a crowded, dirty, sweaty bar filled with kids you don’t know or are trying to avoid, terrible alcohol, and people grinding like they’re at their high school homecoming dance. I go out now and know what I’m going to get at say, Pub or Library, and it just isn’t as fun as it used to be. Maybe that’s why downtown has always been an adventure; I never know what I’m getting into. Yes, I always get in trouble, miss the bus, lose my keys or ID or debit card or dignity, but the next morning is filled with laughter and the craziest stories. Roaming around a city doing whatever you feel like and going to new places is how you make memories, the kind you want to remember and cherish. New places hold new people and new experiences.
Alright so, the less expected, the less likely for disappointments; but, that is not to say you shouldn’t be positive. I think positivity is imperative, especially with lower expectations because otherwise you’re just a grump. It took me a while to figure that out, but once you start doing things for yourself and no one else and take what you want with a smile, life changes.
I think we need to start choosing for ourselves and doing the things we want to do without expectations from others. I don’t smile at strangers because it wastes precious collagen, but imagine walking down the street and you smile at someone…you expect them to smile back don’t you? Why though? Because it’s respectful, the nice thing to do? It makes YOU feel warm inside? If you want to smile at someone, go for it, but don’t do it for the expectation of receiving the same. This type of attitude may reveal a new person, someone more raw and real and people around you may not be able to handle it, but the real you is who you want to be and is the only way to truly grow and get the most out of life. I’m not saying be incredibly selfish but take people as they are, see the good in them, and don’t expect too much. Unfortunately, disappointment is inevitable no matter how hard one tries, but I hope you feel it, you learn from it, and let the scar remind you of the life you want to live and gives you the courage to start over and to start over with less expectations.