I think one of the worst feelings is texting one of your friends about something important and then the day passes by with no response, until it’s been a week and you get a text saying, “Sorry, I just saw this.” You already spent the last week freaking out and overanalyzing your friendships while watching their social media posts, seeing them going out and doing the same plans you were trying to make. Even though you know they may have been too busy to answer, it still doesn’t stop the sting of thinking you weren’t important enough to answer.
Even if they meant nothing malicious by it, you can’t help but feel upset, and your feelings are valid. Especially when you do finally hang out, and they spend most of the time on their phone while acting like everything is normal between you. Nowadays, communication between younger generations has honestly become quite toxic, not just in the way we talk to each other, but in the way we blatantly ignore each other in the name of “self-care.”
I recently visited my 30-year-old stepsister over spring break, and I couldn’t help but notice how differently millennials communicate with each other compared to Gen-Z. You would think that the technology-addicted younger generation would respond more than the older one, but that isn’t entirely accurate.
My stepsister would text a friend to hang out that same day and get a response almost instantly, even if they were in the middle of a busy workday. Plans were made quickly, and there was no “maybe,” no disappearing act, and no “sorry I didn’t see this” text. It was a simple, in-the-moment yes-or-no answer.
But I get it, people need breaks, time to scroll, and time to disconnect. I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me, and I’m not expecting immediate replies 24/7. But it does make me wonder: if we have the time to be on our phones constantly, then why does it sometimes feel like so much effort to text a friend back or have a quick conversation?
While watching my stepsister communicate with her friends, I couldn’t help but start questioning my own friendships. All over social media, I see posts saying, “Don’t expect your friends to answer 24/7,” or “humans weren’t meant to be on technology all the time,” or “protect your peace.” Trust me, I’m all for mental health and protecting your energy, but when did that start meaning ignoring the people who care about you?
Somewhere along the way, we have blurred the line between boundaries and avoidance. Not answering texts for hours or even days has become normalized and even expected. While there are valid reasons for delayed responses, it’s hard to ignore the pattern: we always seem to have time for what we prioritize. Because the truth is, most of us are on our phones. We’re scrolling, liking, posting, and sending videos back and forth, so when a message sits unanswered, it doesn’t feel like a matter of being “offline,” it feels personal.
Yet at the same time, I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I open a message, tell myself I’ll respond later, and then forget. Or I overthink my reply so much that I end up not responding, out of avoidance. What starts as a small delay turns into hours, then days, and suddenly it feels so late that I don’t respond at all. I end up sending the same message I hate receiving: “Sorry, I just saw this.”
I don’t mean to hurt anyone, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t. The reality is that Gen-Z communication exists in a constant gray area. We have removed the urgency from responding, but we haven’t removed the expectations tied to it. We tell ourselves and each other not to take it personally, while feeling hurt when it happens to us. We’ve curated a culture where silence speaks louder than words, and no one really knows how to interpret it, and maybe that’s the problem.
Communication isn’t supposed to feel confusing. It’s not meant to leave you questioning your place in someone’s life. At its core, it’s not meant to provide uncertainty but rather clarity, connection, and reassurance. This doesn’t mean that we all need to be available to each other 24/7 or respond instantly to every message. It means being more intentional, being honest immediately when we can’t show up, saying no instead of avoiding, and recognizing that replying isn’t just about answering a text, but about maintaining a relationship.
At the end of the day, no one is asking for constant access. They’re just asking not to feel ignored, and I feel that’s a pretty reasonable expectation.