As we grow up, we watch other people experience things like weddings and graduation, and we dream about the day it will happen to us. Watching strangers is one thing, but watching your sibling grow up is a whole different story. Siblings are the best friends you inherited, and they hold a piece of you. When you see your sibling hitting major life milestones, the feeling is very surreal and a little scary.
I was a freshman in high school when my brother was a senior. He walked me to all my classes on the first day and made sure I had people to sit with at lunch. He prepared me and cared for me, and made my first year of high school great. I didn’t want to face the other three without him. I was so excited and happy for him when he graduated, but I also didn’t like thinking about him entering adulthood and leaving our shenanigans behind. Graduation was nothing compared to when my brother moved in to an apartment away at college, though. He was only an hour away and he came home every weekend anyway, but I felt like I was punched in the gut when he left. The distance wasn’t what mattered; it was the reality that my brother and I would not always be living under the same roof. Even though I had only been alive for 17 years, my entire life was spent with him just a few steps away.
I obviously knew we wouldn’t live together forever, but that moment was a harsh reality check for me about adulthood and the fact that we were all aging whether we liked it or not.
As hard as it was for me, I’m sure it’s even harder for him to see me do the same things. Even though he and I overflow with pride and love any time the other one accomplishes something, those happy feelings are always paired with some more anxious ones. First is usually nostalgia, and remembering all the ridiculous things we did 10 years ago. Then, comes the sad realization that we can’t stop time. That’s the worst. But the last wave of emotion is usually another happy one. Thankfulness and amazement at how far we have come are last. When those feelings hit, I am inspired and so happy I have a sibling to make mistakes with and to learn with.
Now that I am in college, my brother and I have both passed through more adulthood checkpoints. We are currently living on opposite sides of the country, and it’s been eleven months since I’ve seen him. I now live with the knowledge that we will never live in the same house again, and if one of us wants to see each other, we will most likely have to board a plane. To be blunt, that sucks. I miss him more every day and long for the family time I used to take for granted. But, the longing makes our reunions that much better.
I have to remind myself that the distance between us is only a result of the incredibly opportunities we have both experienced. My brother has now found his career, found someone he loves, and started creating a life. While watching him live in the real world is terrifying, it’s also incredibly inspiring. I have always been afraid of growing up and leaving familiarity behind, but he chases new adventures with a brave face. He doesn’t spend time worrying about how hard the challenges will be; instead he fearlessly conquers them. In my moments of doubt (which are pretty frequent in college), my brother inspires me to be excited about my future rather than afraid of it. He gives me faith that growing older and moving on just means learning new things and finding more sources of happiness .
I know if he can do it, I can too.