As women, we are taught that appearance is the most important thing in our lives. If we are not considered beautiful in society’s eyes, there is something wrong with us. Sometimes, we are even treated as less than human because of our appearance. New insecurities and flaws are introduced to us every day by the patriarchy via social media and the beauty industry so that companies can profit from our insecurities. Even worse, our brain absorbs society’s idea of “beauty,” and we then submit to them and bring down other women who choose not to.
Breaking away from patriarchal beauty is one of the ways to take down systematic misogyny, as women are more likely to be pressured into and defined by it. Even worse for women of color, as most beauty standards are rooted in white supremacy. It will take some time to unlearn all of this and, most importantly, to have confidence in oneself without seeking external approval from anybody.
- Do you actually like it?
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Unfortunately, societal conditioning goes deep. The question that we may need to often reflect on is: do you actually like it, or do you just want to fit in? Before you decide to get Botox, ask yourself why you want Botox. You may answer that you want to look younger. Ask yourself again why you want to look younger. You might think that being younger is prettier. That’s when the questioning gets deep.Â
Ask yourself why being younger equates to being prettier. Most importantly, according to whom? Keep reflecting, and over time, you will start to unlearn and relearn what you thought you liked.
Beauty standards — established to exploit women for the entertainment of the male gaze — influence far more than you may expect. For example, I realized that I prefer simple makeup to looks with extra steps. Sometimes, I go days without it to feel more comfortable in my skin. Find out what you truly like versus what you were taught to like to fit in with expectations.
- Now, what is beauty outside of patriarchy?
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When it comes to being physically beautiful, it is all seriously subjective. Some people will find you physically attractive, and some will not, which is okay. Most importantly, surround yourself with people who like you for you, not because of your looks.
Non-patriarchal beauty is all about being confident in your own looks, personality, and spirit; you don’t need others’ validation or societal standards and expectations to tell you otherwise. Empathy and kindness make you a great human being because people feel safe expressing themselves with you, and you listen and understand.
Remember, having hairy arms, wrinkles on your face, not having the body society expects, and so on is okay. What’s not OK, however, is constantly being stressed out about every inch of your appearance. We were all born confident and appreciative of our appearance, even if we looked different from others; the problem is when people decide to judge us for it. That’s when we start doubting ourselves.Â
It is also okay if breaking the process is not easy. Find what works for you, not what works for others, and definitely not what pleases others. Just embrace your individuality and uniqueness.