You’re sitting alone in bed. It could be daytime, it could be nighttime. It doesn’t matter. You don’t really remember the last full meal you’ve eaten. You’re too tired to cry anymore. You’ve just survived a rough break-up. “Break-up” seems too kind a word for the experience you’ve been through.
Your heart has been broken in a way, and by a person, you didn’t think possible.
Deep breaths.
Time moves you on, as it does, and in a couple months, those deep feelings of hurt and regret are buried deep within your ribcage, the experience callusing your heart if only a bit.
You realize you are better off alone, time to figure yourself out. It’s a great decision. Your ex and you keep in touch. You call one another; you look to him as a friend. The two of you swap stories of new people you’re interested in and share laughs over inside jokes you once treasured.
Finally, it seems as if you’ve won the battle. You cheated the system. Congratulations, I did it!
You’re able to blossom like you wanted to, and yet you still can be friends with someone you once held close to your heart.
My advice? Don’t do it!
I put that in bold for a reason. No matter what, 100% of the time, no exceptions, not ever, and I mean never ever does it work.
A friend once said, “He’s in your past for a reason, keep him there,” referring to someone who’d broken up with me. She’s right. Trying to keep that person in your present for whatever reason keeps the two of you from moving on. Period.
I understand that when you’re hurting, maintaining a friendship with someone who you once felt such a deep connection with seems beneficial. Even after the hurting is over, the prospect of being able to be amicable seems satisfying. It gives you a kick, being able to say, “I’m over the relationship, and I’m adult enough to accept him as a friend in my life.”
And maybe that reason is enough for you. However, even if your reasoning is mature, even if your feelings for this person are nonexistent, it’s not worth it.
Potential scenarios
You’re meeting your ex for a quick bite to eat under the pretense he’s going through a rough time and needs your help. He is, but somehow the conversation turns from that problem into a valiant effort to rekindle your relationship.
He comes over to talk, and before you know it, the two of you are kissing, and he leaves you feeling more alone than you felt before he entered your doorway.
The two of you are talking over the phone, only for him to treat you like filth. He’s talking down to you, as if you aren’t as intelligent as he is, because you don’t agree with him. He threw a lighter into a pool of gasoline and before you know it, the conversation explodes. Rationale is gone. You remember why the two of you broke up. It hurts again. You ignore it.
You meet someone new. He sees you together. He says something to you about this new guy. You don’t know if he’s trying to guilt trip you or not.
He tells you he’s interested in someone else. Your heart flares up again like a firecracker.
Deep breaths.
All the logic, all the maturity that led you to your attempt to remain friends seems irrelevant when the endeavor becomes more work than it is rewarding.
I understand the urge. Whether or not you got the short stick in the relationship or are consoling the person you broke, friendship with an ex leads to more drama and heartache than it could ever be worth.