All the Things I Should've Said Before: To The Boy I Loved Who Didn't Love Me Back

Can I start this by saying that unrequited love sucks a**? All of the books, movies, and songs…all of them are completely right and I’m sure you knew that but I just needed to make sure that I said it. Sometimes people make it look easy you know? Girl meets boy, falls head over heels, and then you get the fairytale. Classic take on the game, but what happens when the boy just isn’t that into you? Even worse: what happens when you fall totally and completely in love with him, and well…you get it.  

I want to thank you, for showing me that it’s even possible to feel this way about someone. You made feel like every day was brighter, every song sweeter, and every moment needed to be longer. In the end this is how I want to remember how I felt when I think about you. You were mine enough that we were the best of friends and when I was with you the world seemed to burn in the most beautiful of ways. The stars at night probably got tired of me wishing for you, and the wild flowers in your backyard would still be there if I hadn’t wasted them all on “He loves me, he loves me not." Your friendship would still mean more to me than anything if this ugly little feeling went away when I begged it to. It ultimately tore us apart instead, but I’m not sorry.

After dealing with this, it seemed like the world had lost a little bit of color, and I was just coasting by on shades of the vibrant brights that I used to see. Every song that played on the radio was about you and no matter what I did to escape it, it’s like the whole universe just knew that this was happening. I found myself sitting on the floor in my room bawling over playlists that I couldn’t stop making that were just full of every song that reminded me of how shi**y this really felt. Of course I’d never tell you that, because I still wanted nothing more than to at least have you as my friend over nothing at all.

God, I hope you never have to feel this way about anyone. Ever. I hope that you never know how it feels to have your heart broken every single day, while you wait in what seems like the middle of the desert during a drought. It sucks. Maybe one day I can look at you and not see something that almost wasn’t and hopefully it’ll stop hurting.

It would be nice of me to just want you to be happy, but is it totally awful that I don’t? Is it completely out of this world that somewhere in my head I know that this isn’t a thing (nor will it ever be), but still hold on to it anyway? I wish that I could tell you that I hope you find all that you want and that whoever gets to be lucky enough to have you, never takes you for granted…but I don’t. Maybe it’s selfish of me to wish that I had you instead of whoever gets that privilege, but if you ever do love someone as much as I loved you, you’d get it.

I know that I’ll be okay though. One day, maybe soon. They say that what’s meant to be will be and I guess that if I wasn’t meant for you, that something great is about to happen. Maybe I’ll look back and see this as a good thing, but until then I’ll just listen to a few more sad songs since they’re all about you anyway. 

Love Always,

Your favorite girl

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