So you want to host a dinner party. As a self-proclaimed dinner party planning expert, you’ve come to the right place. Planning a dinner party is a lot more complicated than you might think. Many questions are posed when planning a dinner. What will the theme be? What’s on the menu? Am I cooking or should I hold a potluck? What’s the dress code? And perhaps the most central question of all, is who will be invited?
Creating a dinner party is like setting up a movie scene and you are the director. The moment people pile in from the front door they are all actors in your film, except everyone is Ronald Gladden from Jury Duty. Will they all get along? Or will someone end up throwing pasta pomodoro at the person across from them because they couldn’t agree on which Spider-Man did it best? (the only right answer is Andrew Garfield). Or perhaps, will there be a relationship announcement from your secret crush, breaking your heart before dessert even hits the table? Feelings, confessions, and arguments can all occur when people come together. Do you want great conversation at your table? Then pick the right people.
When most people plan a dinner party they fail to ask themselves a crucial question: Who are you? Are you the life of the party ready to throw a spontaneous get-together, dress code thrown to the wind, BYOB? Or are you an overthinking INTJ with a color palette sent to the group chat two weeks in advance to ensure coordinating social media pictures? Like a director filming a movie, your personality will be shone through your party. Think of Wes Anderson, Martin Scorsese, and Sophia Coppola. Like these Hollywood greats, the addition of creative touches can make even the most simple of parties look like the Met Gala.
Now perhaps the most tantalizing question of all, what will be on the menu? You can never go wrong with a simple appetizer, filling entree, and crowning dessert. Or, you can take a more complicated route and add up to 5, 6, 7, or even 10 courses! My favorite route is a 5-course meal. First, a small amuse-bouche to activate the taste buds. Then, a simple soup and a third course of a salad to not fill up your guests too much before the main event, a hearty entree! Lastly, a decadent dessert to finish the night off, all paired with your desired drinks.
Before I go any further, let me state this: your dinner party will never be perfect. Why? Because this is not a movie, this is real life. And guess what? No one cares. Well, that’s not completely true, so let me explain.
Circling back to the introduction, the people you invite make a party a party. And at the end of the day, the fact that you might have burnt the lasagna does not matter. No one cares that your party wasn’t aesthetically perfect, people come to your house because they care about you.
If you invite people that you care about, and that you cherish, then you won’t have to worry about having great conversations or hoping something interesting happens. You don’t need Tom Cruise to make a meal exciting. Normal people like you and me can be just as exciting without all the extra flair. Speaking of normal people, it doesn’t matter how you plan your party. Do you want something spontaneous? Do something spontaneous. Do you want detailed plans and a theme sent out weeks in advance? Then have detailed plans and a theme. You don’t need to be a famous director to throw a great party, you just have to be a great host. Finally, make what you want to make. If your culinary skills are that of a Michelin-star sous chef, work your magic! If your skills are limited to takeout and homemade brownies, then takeout and brownies it is!
Your dinner party does not need to be the Met Gala of your social circle for it to be a great party. The purpose of a dinner party is to create good memories and deepen the relationships you have with people around you. The best dinner parties are the ones where everyone crowds around the threshold of your entryway, needing to leave but desperately not wanting to, longing for the moment to stay forever.
As a lifelong perfectionist, this was a hard pill to swallow. As someone who grew up on monthly dinner parties at home, I always felt that when it came time to host my own, I would have to go above and beyond. However, I learned that by caring too much about the little things, I was taking the joy away from the party itself. Moreover, this goes for all aspects of life. Once I stopped putting pressure on myself, the people around me, and the things I was doing, the more I enjoyed my life.
So, relax. Life is not a movie. You are not a Hollywood director trying to make your big break and impress the world. So set your table as you would, cook the food that you want to cook, invite the people you love to sit at your table and create memories to cherish for a lifetime. After all, the greatest film is the one that you’re living in right now.