When I was in a relationship years back, I read Steve Harvey’s, “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man.” It seemed like the answers to all the ladies’ questions and concerns towards guys being guys. Honest as it may seem, why isn’t there a female author giving answers to how, we as ladies act and behave toward when we HAVE the guy, but the red flags are waving and we’re blinded? Once the honeymoon phase is over and we, as Steve said, “discuss the short and long term goals,” and finally move into a serious relationship, how do we know when we’re missing the red flags? I am talking about when we have been with the guy for two plus years but there are certain signs that give us the feeling like we’re headed into a Ross and Rachel “break” leading up towards break up?
Well I seem to have some insight and clues to give to ladies who have the feeling in the back of their minds that something may be wrong but can’t really put their heals on it. It may be so simple, but honestly that’s what makes it more difficult to have the courage to act when the chips are falling off the table.
Clue #1: If you guys are arguing over small stuff A LOT. There may be a tiff here and there, but if you and your guy are arguing over a comment that slipped out during a talk or left your things in his room, then I think that’s a red flag. No guy just gets upset over something small like leaving a bar of soap in his bathroom, or if you comment over his room being a little messy. Sorry ladies, but he has something on his mind that set off a little grenade. If you have to think of the last time you guys talked without falling into an argument or annoyance with each other, and it was months ago, you may be in trouble. Couples are supposed to discuss what’s on their mind without a fight happening.
Clue #2: If you guys don’t have the same inside jokes and quips as before. This may be something silly and small, but think back to when you guys first started going out. Not only did you have the similarities in movies and music, but you guys even came up with little pet names and silly nick names that only you guys knew about. It made you feel important and special because that was your “thing.” However, if years go by and if you call him by his nick name and he just calls you by your name – that has to hurt greatly. You see those silly names reminded you of the time when you two were so happy. Those little names created the feeling of love, and if he didn’t reply back when you initiated it, it’s a slap in the face. So ladies, if your guy doesn’t respond (or even initiate those inside jokes and names), something is up and he doesn’t feel like giving you the same feelings as he did before.
Clue #3: If you guys aren’t affectionate anymore. This is the simplest and the hardest thing to digest. Years back when it was still the honeymoon phase you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other. PDA was everywhere, and there wasn’t a care in the world if anyone captured that moment. It was a perfect time that no one could take away. Fast forward to the present. Now if you guys are in the stage of your relationship where sex is involved, then this involves you. If he doesn’t want to hold hands and maybe only wants to cross your pinkies or fingers, that’s a mild red flag. If he doesn’t want to kiss on the lips but only on the cheek, that’s a medium red flag. However if the sex has changed, THAT IS A RED FLAG. Intimacy is a major part in a relationship PERIOD. It is one of the top layers of the relationship cake, no pun intended. Some people might say that sex isn’t a major deal, but it is. When it comes to sex with your partner, that’s a symbol- more than just a physical act. Emotions are extremely high, especially if there is a virgin in the equation. I heard a saying that “the act itself is two bodies becoming one.” That alone is an emotional saying. So if years after the honeymoon phase and the act of making love are changed to just animal sex, there is a problem. Now let me make it clear to avoid any confusion because some couples like the rough play, but ladies if the guy frequently says he wants to engage in the act of only sex and you want to make love, you know what difference I am referring to. You want to be held and kissed like it is your honeymoon phase from before, and now it’s in, over, and out. It doesn’t feel like before. And even if you orgasm and so does he, if after he doesn’t hold you and embrace you like you’re the only lady in the room, there is another problem. Any decent man who is a committed relationship and has intercourse SHOULD hold his lady afterwards. One of things that Steve said that every man needs is the “cookie.” Well Steve, if the guy enjoys the cookie and doesn’t appreciate the container from which he received it, he shouldn’t get any more. I know I am being harsh, but women are supposed to be treated like women, even months or years after being together.
Well ladies those are the clues of when your relationship is falling apart, and when it is time to break it off with your guy. I know that it is hardest thing to read the signs when you’re in a relationship, but you have to- or otherwise you’re going to be blindsided and get into a wreck.
I want women to be smart and strong, so that if you do break up with your guy and you get into a new relationship, you will know what signs to look out for. They say that men are simple creatures, yes to an extent, but if your read all those clues from above and he hasn’t had the courage to end it, then he’s a coward and you should do it instead. Whoever said, “love someone more than you love yourself” was the one who got dumped, because it is give and take, fifty – fifty, equally nourished commitment. As long as you and the guy are willing to communicate your problems and work on it, then I say give him one last chance.
However, there is a time to be happy, and if there is no sign of the last real time you were happy…you know what to do.
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