The first time having sex with somebody is always a wildcard, regardless of whether you’re a virgin or not. You never know for certain how another person would respond to the situation.
Growing up, sex was taboo in my household. And lesbian sex?! Forget it! Just insinuating it meant that everybody in my family would take out their rosaries and start praying for my soul.
Sex ed in my school was a joke:
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“Boys, remember to always use protection!”
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“Girls, just hold a quarter between your knees. If it falls, you’re going to hell…unless you’re married, of course.”
I’m not saying that holding the quarter until marriage is a bore — you do you! But college is the gateway to self-discovery and you might realize that some things might be worth experiencing at an earlier time. Everyone owes it to themselves to live life to their ideal of fullest!
In this case, I will only be talking from experience and scientific facts.
I lived under compulsory heterosexuality at my conservative household and attended a Presbyterian school; therefore, I had to learn about my sexuality all by myself, and I understand how difficult that can be.
If you’re a girl, and you’re finding yourself in a position in which you’re discovering many things about yourself a bit too fast, I hope this article can help you focus and show you that having sex with another girl is not a damning experience as long as you do it right, consciously and healthily.
These are eight tips to keep in mind when you’re having your first sexual experience with a girl, compiled by a girl who had a first time with a girl.
I’m a girl who was just as afraid and excited as you probably are now.
- Consent
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This is a simple step that many people forget. Consent is extremely important! Make sure all parties involved loudly voice their opinion on the matter. No means NO! Simple, right? Don’t forget it.
- Testing for STDs
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This should also be a given. Do not engage in sexual intercourse unless you’re certain that you’re not carrying STDs or STIs. Planned Parenthood centers perform testing for sexually transmitted diseases. Prices vary from lab to lab but don’t be afraid of consulting professionals about it. If you have health insurance, review the benefits in case your plan covers STD testing. Now, I understand that at the moment, everything is fuzzy and you can’t think straight, but there’s always time to consider your sexual health. It’s just as important as your skincare.
- Basic Anatomical Knowledge
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Let’s talk about sex…ual parts, baby!
It’s easier for me to visualize the components of the female sexual anatomy as four dots in a vertical line:
Dot #1: Clitoris
Dot #2: Urethral Opening
Dot #3: Vaginal Opening
Dot #4: Anus
The Clitoris:
The clitoris is home to 8,000 nerve ends, making clitoral stimulation the best form of foreplay prior to penetration. Many people describe the clitoris as a little bundle of pleasure, but it’s much larger than what hides under the clitoral glans/hood. Therefore, some women find it pleasurable to rub the areas around the clitoris more than direct contact.
Under the labia majora and labia minora, there lies the vaginal opening. This leads to the rabbit hole that is…the hymen.
The hymen is a strip of thin mucosal tissue that covers the vaginal opening. However, it’s not the societal symbol many people believe it to be. You can’t verify the virginity status of a woman by checking her hymen. For some women, the hymen covers the entire vaginal opening, for others, it covers the entirety of the opening. For some, the hymen has some perforations on it. Sometimes, women are born without them!
Many women love penetration. Fingering is a must for many women, especially if G-Spot stimulation is achieved. But…what is the G-Spot?
The Gräfenberg spot can be found about three inches into the frontal vaginal wall. It has a different texture in comparison to the rest of the vagina, and it’s easier to stimulate when the woman is aroused. For many women, G-Spot stimulation can cause their strongest orgasms and might cause female ejaculation.
- Lubrication
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Before you venture into stimulating a woman’s vagina, make sure that the area is sufficiently lubricated to avoid discomfort and pain.
Naturally, a woman’s body is equipped with pea-sized lube-makers. They’re called Bartholin’s glands, and they’re located at the left and right of the vagina.
While these glands do the best they can, some women may need extra help. Water-based lubricants would be a good alternative to try out for the first time in case other lubricant components could cause allergic reactions to the parties involved. If an allergic reaction occurs, contact medical help immediately.
- Other Erogenous Areas
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The vagina and clitoris are not the only erogenous zones in the female body. Women can find pleasure when the following areas are stimulated:
- Nipples
- Neck
- Inner Thighs
- Navel
- Ears
- Fingers
- Lips
- Bottom
- Anus, for some women
This all depends on your partner’s taste. Perhaps she enjoys having her neck kissed but might not like her inner thighs touched. Make sure you ask what she likes and what she doesn’t to avoid having a bad time!
- Patterns Are Important
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During the act, she might ask for “more.” While this sounds exhilarating, you must be aware of what’s actually pleasurable for her. This is why patterns are important, and you should look out for them. Sometimes, “more” doesn’t mean “go full speed”. “More” could mean “keep on doing what you’re doing, just don’t stop.” A pattern of stimulation is what builds up the climax. Of course, this could be different for other women. Communicate!
- Communicate!
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As I said in my previous point, communicate! It sounds cheesy, I know, but communication is key. If there’s something that displeases either of you, speak up. This won’t be a turn-on. I’ve found that it’s the contrary. Showing you care about the other person in such a vulnerable moment increases the feeling of intimacy. Remember that sex is all about learning in addition to pleasing your partner. Communication helps both of you learn.
- Be Willing to Learn
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Sex is a science and an art form all rolled into one. It requires plenty of learning to do, especially when you’re both women. Positions might be a bit awkward to achieve and while biologically female bodies are the same in engineering, their receptions are different and depend on the woman’s preference. Furthermore, learning the scientific art of sex with the woman you trust is an adventure worth taking.
Embrace your sexuality, ladies. It can be a beautiful thing.